..to me! 34. Tonight's the last night my mom's in town (til mid-Arpil when she returns for 2 weeks) so she gets to put Andra to bed (sort of) while Fred and I go to dinner.
I'm at school now. It's my free period, which is also over lunch, and it's 60 degrees and sunny out, so I should be out for a run. But, instead a kid is making up a test and I'm here. No worries, I plan to run with the BOB later. I haven't run with it much AT ALL lately, so it'll be good for me.
A few of the bloggers I read are struggling with going back to work post-baby. Today I went down to talk to an English teacher who is due Wednesday, and today is her last day. It all got me thinking about where I am and what we're doing.
I had mild panic over going back to work during the month of February. I didn't have a clue how I'd get out the door by 7am, showered and dressed. Thank god my mom came. Now I'm having mild panic about how it will be when she's gone, but I also realize that if I just take things as they come everything works out. Being back at work for a month now, it's all good. I love my job, still. I'm not the horrible teacher I thought I'd be. Luckily, this is my 8th year and I know what I'm doing so my prep time is minimal. I don't waste as much time at school (umm, today being an exception!) so I get a lot of my grading done before I leave (I also grade while I pump!). Working out is suffering, and I don't like that, but I also am telling myself that it will get better as the weather improves and that summer (and twice a day workouts) are right around the corner. I feel a little like I'm missing out on Andra, but since I'm home by 3pm most days, and I see her for an hour before I leave (even though it means walking her up at 6am), it's not terrible. She absolutely adores my mom, she's a fantastically happy baby (at least until bedtime), and there are no indications that she misses me at all (ok, mixed feelings there!). I was really shy as a kid, and my husband and I are still quiet people. I want Andra to be more social than we were as kids, and daycare will provide that. Other teachers here have told me how their kids have thrived in day care socially and academically. Is it better than being home with mom all day? Maybe not, but it reminds me of the whole breastfeeding/formula feeding debate; both are fine, what matters is what works for you and your family. I think Andra and I will love the daycare I chose. We'll find out in May hopefully, as the plan is for her to spend May and June there. If things don't feel right, I can always re-evaluate. While I liked being home on leave, I think Andra is doing great on more of a schedule, which I wasn't able to implement (if she cried, I fed her...now she eats 5 times a day and has a solid bedtime). I like having my job identity still. I like Andra being able to be fed from other people, I like the idea that she's not 100% dependent on just me. At 3.5 months, she's so different from how she was at 1 month, or 2, or even 2.5. I think that as she gets older, I will feel even better about "leaving" her at daycare (until the clingy stage, which I think isn't for a while).
Anyway, I think I wanted to put that down on "paper" for my own peace of mind. Now, if I could only (WOULD only) eat better...