Saturday, July 30, 2011

Well this sucks...

Found out Thursday afternoon that I have diminished ovarian reserve, premature ovarian failure, whatever you want to call it...FSH of 15.7, AMH <0.16 (if you don't know what that means, I didn't either, and you should be happy you don't). And my husband's sperm isn't so good either. So from getting pregnant on the second try with Andra, to being told even IVF isn't all that likely to help with #2, my head is spinning. I've had lots of good advice from one friend who's been through the exact same thing (and has 2 kids and one on the way, all IVF) and also from an old blogger friend. We meet with the doctor again August 16, after our vacation to Michigan to visit my family. I'm also setting up an appointment with the clinic at Cornell, where my friend went, even though insurance issues would make that not nearly as easy to manage as the local place. But apparently this is an uncommon diagnosis, and Cornell is the best place on the east coast.

I'm not quite getting my head around it all yet. I love my life with one kid, and in the end would be ok with just Andra. But I also feel like, how can I not try, since we do want the second one? Yet, knowing what people go through to do IVF...physically and emotionally...I am angry. Lots of tears yesterday. Today, not so much.

I have had a good week of workouts. I ran another old route, a few minutes off my old pace. Not bad. I did a short speed workout today, more just to pound away some anger. My Achilles can handle it, it seems, at least with the help of my Voltaren gel. I have two more weeks to do whatever I want, then I assume this ovarian stimulation thing will start and my life will suck for a while. Lucky me, it coincides with the beginning of a new school year.

8 comments:

X-Country2 said...

Oh, Clare. I'm so sorry to hear that. I wish you nothing but the best on your journey. Stick with your husband as you go through it all. You'll need each other.

Anonymous said...

Clarey, we are all here to support you through this time. It breaks my heart to read about the anger and tears, but SOOO happy to hear about your running! I know it must be so difficult, but thank you so much for sharing everything you do with us. You are such an inspiration to me. I think about you every day. Sarita

RunningMama said...

Enjoy the next two weeks...take a break from this diagnosis and all that follows. Your reprieve before the storm.

WendyBird said...

Sorry to hear about the complications, life can be so unfair. Try to think more about your 5K goal, you can do it!

Angela and David said...

Cornell is the best. I hope they can offer you some hope. I know the anger and tears well and there will be more of it, much more of it. The hormones for ovarian simulation are no joke so just accept you are about to get on a roller coaster. And yes, enjoy these next two weeks. Do what makes you feel good and enjoy some time with Andra.

Nitsirk said...

I am so sorry. This is a big concern of mine. We had our first very easily and I wonder as I age if #2 will be so simple. We aren't in place to be able to try yet so I just continue to age and to worry. On a more positive note I am glad to hear that your running is going well.

35life said...

How does this happen? I feel like it happens overnight! I can recently relate to this...

N.D. said...

I'm sorry, Clare! This is so difficult and I can't imagine what it is like. I'm glad you have some friends and support for those that know what it is like. I'll be keeping a good thought for you.