Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Frustrated and whiny

I thought the kid was supposed to move less as she grew bigger. The last 24+ hours, I don't think she has stopped. Whether I'm standing, sitting, walking, lying down, or sleeping (she woke me up last night) there is constant rolling and kicking and punching and 80's style head-spinning break-dancing on my cervix. I'm trying not to complain, but - well, I'm complaining. When it's just for a little while, it's cool. When it's nonstop, it's uncomfortable, creepy, and makes me kind of nauseous.

Went to the doctor today, no change to my cervix since last week. Although he did say that if it's even possible, he thinks she's lower than she has been. I was measuring 31 cm, which is small for 36+ weeks, but given her location that seemed normal. He'll do another ultrasound next Thursday to check her growth, unless she makes it easy on us and we can just plop her on the scale. Although I'm thinking that she's dong everything she can to get out, and that it's me and my body that isn't in any rush (which is fine, probably best, for a few more days).

Sunday is 37 weeks. Even though the doctor keeps saying he'd bet me money she'll be out early, the longer this goes on the less inclined I am to believe him. I hate not knowing. I'm still hoping for 38 weeks, no more, no less. (Well, a little less is ok.) I'm not that uncomfortable by any means, and I even came around to liking my pregnant belly (it's kind of cute with the right outfit). But I've never, ever been good at waiting around for transitions...enough already, let's just get on with it.

I have temporarily abandoned working out (minus a possible turkey waddle tomorrow morning) and I'm trying to figure out why. Much of it is because I can't do what, or as much, as I want to do, and that's frustrating. I know rationally that whatever I can do is so much better than doing nothing, yet when push comes to shove, I end up on the couch, bored out of my mind, with an aching back. Not good choices, so what's my problem?? And I think enough of that has lead me to just tell myself I'll change (or change back) once she's out and I can do my own workouts again. And I think that not going to the boot camp and core classes, and to a lesser extent spinning, I've gotten kind of lonely in my workouts. I like the camaraderie, wanting to show off, being shown up by others (all in good fun)...I miss the people in those classes who push me. I feel like an outsider right now, which sucks.

And I've been eating like crap. Breakfast and lunch are fine, but by the time dinner rolls around, there is no dinner. There's been cheesecake (last night's dinner, which lead me to feel pretty nauseous the rest of the night), and peanut butter M&Ms (tonight's, a result of a trip to Target to stock up on cat litter). Tomorrow won't be much better, as the big holiday meal will throw off any semblance of a normal eating schedule. I think I just want my control back. And it doesn't help that I could have it now, if I just wasn't so whiny.


Mama Simmons said...

Frustration understood by anyone who has been pregnant!! The waiting and the not knowing are the worst! Keep up the workouts though. It may Improve your outlook... :)

Debbie Martin-Consani said...

I'm so with you. I feel like I'm on the outside of a window watching life go on in the inside. All my friends are runners, so I feel like an outsider. And as I won't be up for partying over the holidays, that's another reason to withdraw from life. Maybe I've got the pre baby blues :-) :-) Thankfully chocolate cheers me up too. Now you've put me in the mood for M&Ms...

lilrunner N.D. said...

Oh I totally hear you. I felt like a slacker at the marathon last weekend. I go to yoga and half of the moves aren't even comfortable.. it is totally frustrating!! You are almost there though!! She's moving down down down!! I hope she comes soon. I think working out even though its low intensity might help you feel better!

Heather said...

I don't know about you, but Angeline moved CONSTANTLY (she's a very active baby, too!)
and on my last ultrasound the day I delivered they said I had lots of water and room still even with a 8 lb 10 oz baby.... apparently a function of being very active during pregnancy! You're probably the same!