Well this sucks...

Found out Thursday afternoon that I have diminished ovarian reserve, premature ovarian failure, whatever you want to call it...FSH of 15.7, AMH <0.16 (if you don't know what that means, I didn't either, and you should be happy you don't). And my husband's sperm isn't so good either. So from getting pregnant on the second try with Andra, to being told even IVF isn't all that likely to help with #2, my head is spinning. I've had lots of good advice from one friend who's been through the exact same thing (and has 2 kids and one on the way, all IVF) and also from an old blogger friend. We meet with the doctor again August 16, after our vacation to Michigan to visit my family. I'm also setting up an appointment with the clinic at Cornell, where my friend went, even though insurance issues would make that not nearly as easy to manage as the local place. But apparently this is an uncommon diagnosis, and Cornell is the best place on the east coast.

I'm not quite getting my head around it all yet. I love my life with one kid, and in the end would be ok with just Andra. But I also feel like, how can I not try, since we do want the second one? Yet, knowing what people go through to do IVF...physically and emotionally...I am angry. Lots of tears yesterday. Today, not so much.

I have had a good week of workouts. I ran another old route, a few minutes off my old pace. Not bad. I did a short speed workout today, more just to pound away some anger. My Achilles can handle it, it seems, at least with the help of my Voltaren gel. I have two more weeks to do whatever I want, then I assume this ovarian stimulation thing will start and my life will suck for a while. Lucky me, it coincides with the beginning of a new school year.

The nuns loved her

Andra went this morning for her "preview" day at Catholic preschool. It went GREAT. No crying, no accidents, she charmed the nuns (who called her "sweet" and said they wished all the new kids were that good), and was SOOO excited about her new backpack. Last week we were at Lake George, where she went to camp every morning, and she also had a blast there, so...somehow I got incredibly lucky not to have a kid like me. I was the barnacle girl hanging on to my mom's pant leg. At any rate, I am no longer stressed out about her being the youngest, potty training, etc. She's good to go. And I was so excited when I got the info packet from school with all the school supplies, etc. she needs!

I almost have a goal...run a 5k this fall (September 25th) in under 28 minutes. I'm sad that that's the goal, but...what can I do. I've been lifting a lot lately and feel good about that. Not cycling much AT ALL. The fact that I lost (literally, no idea where he went) my riding partner really did a number on my motivation. And now that I can run a little, I'd rather do a 30 minute run than a 90 minute ride. And then sit on the couch reading with the other 60 minutes! Whatever. I ran 2.5 miles yesterday, starting out at what felt like a "normal" (probably 8:45 though that might be a gross overstimation) pace, but couldn't sustain it for more than about a mile. So I had a couple walk breaks. Whatever. The rest of the day, though, I felt OLD. Decrepit. Both feet/ankles just HURT. But, the run itself was good. Just means I'm better off running later in the day than earlier.

Still...that's my goal. It's out there.

Old route

Ran an old route today...5.5 miles. Walked some. Took an hour. Only real pain was from chafing...gotta buy me some new Body Glide. So now I know I can do it...and it is just fantastic. I've been back to feeling normal for about a month, maybe 6 weeks...and no more excuses. It's true that when you feel like crap, you don't even really realize it until you feel better.

Why we run...

Wendy posted this yesterday on why she runs because she has RA...I love it.

I ran today, my toe was not an issue since I wore shoes that I had previously put a dancer's pad in. I did, however, forget to transfer my orthotics, which made my RA ankle a bit funky, but ultimately it was fine once it warmed up a bit. Only 2 miles, a 10:15 pace when all was said and done (there was some faster and some slower). Can't believe how out of shape I am, but then again, when I checked my heartrate at the end (I need to start wearing the HR monitor again) it was like 145. WTF? I think I lost mental guts even more than fitness. Oh well. I lifted after, and feel good.

Big toe

Argh. So I have been feeling pretty good and have even been able to sleep on my stomach lately, something I can't do when my neck is acting up because it doesn't turn that far. I decided to try to taper off the prednisone again, or at least taper it down. And though my neck is fine, my big toe joint (the sesamoid bones I do believe) is now huge. It's happened before and with a dancer's pad I can keep running, but I can't walk barefoot on our hardwood floors.

I did a 2 hour ride Sunday morning, which also might have contributed...I need to look at my cycling shoes because I think there's a lot of pressure right on that joint.

45 minutes

Just got back from a 45 minute run. Don't ask how far, I don't know and don't want to. I didn't plan to go that long...treadmill runs (on an incline) have been hard. Granted I went slowly, but at 20 minutes I said I would go to 22, then 30, then 35, then 40, then 45. By then I was almost home so I walked the last 5 minutes, and boy did my quads feel like jello for those first few steps. Forgot about that, it's been so long.

Nothing hurt more than usual...I will go ice my heel now because I should, not because it hurts. It' not gong away completely, but I can live with this!

Happy fourth...