Try again next weekend

No PR. Not really even close, I had to beat 24:39 and I did 26:19. 8:31 pace. My 4 miler a month ago was faster! I went out ok, probably too fast like usual. I couldn't find my watch this morning, though it didn't matter as there were no mile markers! That, the unusual (yet pretty nice!) heat, and lack of 5k experience (I've only really raced one) meant it wasn't a great race. On the positive side, my stomach behaved, I did manage to push pretty much the whole race, and my friend Clara ran too and PR'd. I think the heat slowed everyone down, as even with my mediocre time I finished in the top 25% (120 out of 508, 13/97 in age group). I even saw a woman running with a BOB, and I talked to her at the end. There was another woman running whom I saw after the race with 8 month old twins! She said her time today was 2 minutes better than her last 5k a couple weeks ago. It was fun talking to other running moms! And Andra and Fred had a great time at home together. Yesterday too, I was gone for about 2.5 hours (5 mile run and then tutoring) and left a bottle (and Fred actually gave it to her, at least today) so I didn't worry so much about being home at a certain time. Slowly I am trying to make myself a little less important.

Next weekend there's a 5k that is on the same course as the Bunny Boogie I chickened out of on Easter weekend. I will do it...it's close to home, it's my favorite running loop (so even if the miles aren't marked, mentally I'll know exactly how much further I have to go), and really, there's no physical reason I can't run a 7:55 pace. I know treadmills are easier, but I've done 3 miles faster than that a couple times recently and felt great. I'd guess my biggest problem is that I do go out too fast and then crash at the end. Maybe I'll race a bunch of 5k's this year and learn better strategy. I do hate 5k's though. You have to be in pain the whole time for it to be a good race. 10k's too. Half and fulls, I am never really uncomfortable (maybe I should be, ha!), I just go at a reasonably challenging pace and hold on.

I hope Andra and Fred cheer me on next weekend.

Summer is close...

This is how I spent the last 2 days playing hooky from school (hey, gotta use those personal days every year or they expire!). After 3 days of cold rain, Thursday was sunny and nice enough for an hour walk/run (about half and half) outside. Today was an hour walk with Jessica and baby Kate to work off the amazing caramel apple cookie I had with lunch. This weekend I'm hoping to motivate to run 8 or so outside, alone. I've been slacking a little on the weights, feeling envious in a not so good feeling way every time I see someone on a bike, but enjoying being outside and slowly accepting running with the BOB. I love walking with it, which ends up being the problem...I'd rather walk than run. I have a hard time believing that things will get back to normal (as in, feeling like I'm in good running shape, having 7-8 miles be normal weekday runs, lifting 2-3 times a week, riding with Eric once a week, etc.) but at the same time I know it'll be easier as Andra gets older and doesn't need just me so much (at least, I hope my perception that she needs just me will change!). And if things don't go back exactly the same as before (as if they could), I hope to find peace with 5 and 10k's rather than halfs and marathons. I definitely don't have a ton of encouragement to get out on my own and run, and I think that support, or push, from home is essential to getting back to distances right now. Again, once Andra is older, I hope that support materializes...

Ankle

I ran 5 miles Friday with Andra snoozing in the BOB. It was nice, slow but nice. Did boot camp Saturday, wearing my ankle brace for the first time in months. Later that day, I had a bad RA flare just in the ankle (not wrists, just ankle, which was weird, usually it's more than one joint). Couldn't walk. Luckily I had prednisone left over from before getting pregnant, and Sunday it was walkable, though tender. Whatever...the flare didn't freak me out like it might have before. And after Sunday and Monday off, I ran 4 decent miles (8:30, 8, 7:30, 9) on the treadmill at school during lunch today.

We spent the gorgeous weekend getting the yard cleaned up, flowers planted, hostas divided and moved to a bare spot in the back yard. It felt very productive. My mom gets things done when she is here...we might just have sat around all weekend, but she made us work! And helped out tremendously with projects, and baby-watching. My brother and 1.5 year old niece were with us (my niece is staying til today), which added a little spice.

Managing to work out about 4-5 days a week, which is ok for now. I am continually surprised when I run how easy it sometimes feels to go at what I think I remember being a hard pace. Sunday I think I am running a 5k. I wimped out of a 3 miler Easter weekend because it was raining, and I really wanted to PR but didn't think I would (I'd needed a 7:30 pace or thereabouts). I only need a 7:55 pace or so to PR for the 5k, so I think I can do it.

All that matters

Every time I get down about how I'm not working out as much as the rest of you and about how busy I feel what with work and spending enough time with Andra, I just read this blog about a preemie who should have been Andra's age and thank god my little girl is healthy. I'd gain 200 pounds and never work out again if it would keep her that way.


And not that most of you don't have your own super cute babies doing stuff, but here's Andra rolling over.

I am managing to work out at least every other day. Mostly at school during the week. I have little interest in running with the BOB. I'll walk, but I will admit to just not being into running with it. I've had some good solo runs (and some bad ones). It's going to be ok. It's not ok now, but it's going to be. I have to give myself more time. I just need to stop and be patient and give myself more time. Actually, strangely enough, that's the problem - I don't have enough time. I really really really hope in 8 weeks when school ends I'll be ready to proioritize working out again. I know I'll have trouble if I don't keep Andra in some form of regular daycare (like 2 hours, 3 days a week or something). I can always take her to the gym, or have a friend or a babysitter watch her, but knowing me that just won't happen if it's not on a regular schedule. But. That's then. I need to be in the moment. Tomorrow it's supposed to near 70, and I will be out with BOB. Hopefully running, but at least doing something.

Morning run

It certainly wasn't dark when I ran this morning, but it was morning! 7:30 or so. After feeding Andra I just really wanted to go. I wavered a bit, but knew I really had no choice. I did what used to be my usual 5.5 mile route from home. It was easy, fast for the effort (or lack of mostly, about an 8:40 pace), and for once my (empty) stomach had no complaints.

I'm glad I did it because this afternoon Andra and I spent 3+ hours in the car (1 hour there, 2:15 back) going into NYC for her laser treatment. She was a gem...I on the other hand got into a honking match with a cab driver who was being an ass in the rush hour traffic. I won.

Please explain...

Those of you with the motivation to get up and work out early (like, dark early) and who are still breastfeeding...WTF??? Do you just pump and have your husband give a bottle if the kid wakes up while you're gone? Do your kids somehow sleep past 7am reliably? Do you feed before you go and your little angel goes back to sleep?

Not that I'm in any danger of actually getting up early to work out. And frankly, if you comment and answer these questions I might lose my excuses of "Big leaky boobs, awake kid, completely torn about whether I want her to have a bottle except when I'm at work."

But this summer I'm going to have to consider this as an option.

Oprah...and no nap

So after sitting Andra in her bouncy seat in front of the dishwasher (which by the way had CLEAN dishes in it as I ran it this morning, but never emptied) because the girl NEEDED A NAP (serious meltdown), I turned on Oprah. (I really meant to finish a book from the library that I checked out in February and have renewed twice already.) The show is about motherhood! And how so many women have overblown expectations.

I don't think I had unrealistic expectations. I don't have the need to be perfect, to have the perfect kid (although of course I do!), to stay on the perfect schedule. My husband will affirm that our house is not particularly clean, and I don't cook much or well. And that's all ok with me. My priorities are 1) happy kid (preferably one who NAPS, though sleeping 10-12 hours at night is good enough), 2) working out (I'm ok with maintaining right now, even though I wish I could do 2 hour workouts and be as fit as I was when I got pregnant). Everything else just has to fall into place, and if it doesn't...eh, well, it just has to.

I remember freaking out while pregnant about how things would change, about how my priorities would change, what if I couldn't work out or hang out with friends? And some people told me that those things just wouldn't matter to me then. It's sort of true. You sacrifice things, but it doesn't really feel like a sacrifice. It's a choice - and so far I haven't felt badly about having to miss out on things. "You can't get back there." They just said that on Oprah, referring to your pre-mommy life. You have to reinvent yourself. That sounds a little dramatic, but I think it's definitely true for some aspects. Your self image does change. And it's not a bad thing. There's just SO MUCH about motherhood that you can't prepare for, you just can't imagine it AT ALL until you go through it. From being pregnant (SO much better that I would've anticipated), to labor (OUCH, who'd have thought pain like that existed and that you really could forget how much it hurt?), to not minding a little creature sucking on your super sore nipples (yeah, I would never have believed I'd still be breastfeeding)...it's endless. You just have to be open to what comes and learn to roll with the punches. If you don't...well, then you end up on Oprah telling the world how all your dreams and expectations were dashed. Which is part of the reason I don't beat myself up that I can't get past 6 miles running. Physically I could (if there were enough bathrooms along the course...that's another story). Mentally, an hour away is enough. Maybe, as Andra is getting older, if I didn't work I could do it (and hope to this summer!). But after 8 hours away, dealing with work and getting up at 5:30 am, working out some is enough. I don't have the option of working part time. So I have to work out part time. It's the way it is, no purpose in assigning it a "good" or "bad" label. I do wish I could fulfill the unrealistic workout expectations I had for after baby, but... for now I have to be ok with the status quo.

I went to a spinning class today...first one in like 6 months, or more. It was too easy. Partly because my heart rate monitor wasn't in my gym bag when I got there, so I didn't have that info to make me push myself harder, and partly because I expected it to be hard so I held back. It was good still, and FUN to be doing that again. I can go at least twice more this week, and I will.

Andra's nap lasted 26 minutes. It took at least that long for her to fall asleep to begin with. I sense another meltdown in 2 hours for bedtime...

RA Update...Not Much

I think my wrists have gotten stronger. I've noticed, since having the baby, that I can do pushups better, side planks on my hand (instead of just my forearm), bicep curls with heavier weights...they still don't bend much, but I do think they're stronger then before. And the ankle brace I wore for my left ankle, I haven't even seen since giving birth. The only anti-inflammatories I take now are for my Achilles/heel.

The WebMD thing still doesn't have my piece up. They emailed my a couple weeks ago for pictures of me running to add to it, so I know they're working on it. I am getting impatient though!

I bought some hair bows for Andra off of Etsy. I wasn't sure I'd like them...but I do!

Spring Break

Three more hours of work, then a week off! Another reason my job works.

We've had either my mom or my mother in law here for the last 5 weeks (minus a few weekend days) and while it was a tremendous help getting me back to work, we're ready for the house to ourselves again. I can't wait to hang out with Pickle for a whole week!!!

Two!

Somehow I got in 2 workouts today. I lifted at school during my free lunch period (enough time to pump and work out...eating, not so much!), and when I checked my email later Jessica said she was going to take Kate out in the BOB around 4 at Cove Island. The Cove is a city park/beach with a mile long flat jogging trail, mostly paved. I somehow made it there on time and we did a nice and easy 3 miles, talking the whole time. It was fun and both girls were so good, and the weather was just perfect.

I like having mommy friends. Sometimes I can feel a little overwhelmed, for instance today I just wouldn't have gone out on my own for a run because there's a 50/50 chance that Andra will scream bloody murder when I put her in the car seat. Since I told Jessica I'd meet her, I had to just suck it up and tell Andra to get over herself, which she quickly did. Sometimes I am a little afraid of the meltdowns. I hope she grows out of them.