Started physical therapy

I started physical therapy for my heel. I've gone twice, and I like the therapist, Dave. I feel like I'm doing something. For so many months now I've just been slogging through, not feeling well, not knowing what's real and what's just an excuse, losing even more fitness, getting muffin top (weight isn't changing...obviously body composition IS), eating like crap, and, while not being depressed, just being incredibly BLAH. I HATE HATE HATE that I've gotten to the point where I can run on my RA ankle, but my Achilles ankle hurts like a motherfucker. Well, truthfully, the RA hurt a lot more, but I think I am more willing to tolerate that pain, since it's not ever really going away for good. An injury though, is almost insulting. Especially when I've gotten injured doing SO LITTLE.

Nonetheless. I have basically been limping for so long on both legs that I have very weak gastrocnemius muscles, very strong soleus muscles, and weaknesses in my hips and glutes. I've been doing some strengthening exercises along with ice massages (ow...brings back memories of high school stress fracture days). I'm getting ultrasound treatments during therapy, and he might stimulate the bone with electricity if thing don't get better in 3 weeks. It's not exactly the Achilles, it's where it inserts into the outside of my calcaneus bone. This is the best description I can find online. Dave told me to stop jumping (no boot camp, or severely modified boot camp), and since I can't run or walk, that leaves cycling (spontaneous so far this season due to weather, but looking up for next week) and swimming...I've been back in the pool twice this week, some swimming and some water running. But I just can't get serious right now, without running. I NEED IT. I know that if it's really ever out for good, or for a long long time, I need to get over it. And I did that last year, satisfactorily. But then I started again, and I can't let go of it.

I picked up at the library the book Run Like a Mother and started it last night. There's a lot in there that I need right now (and a lot I don't, it's a real hodge podge of random stuff). Just the stories of runners who were good, then life got in the way, they stopped running, and when they started again found it so hard and slow. It is so therapeutic to read that I'm not alone.

Anyway...