Started physical therapy

I started physical therapy for my heel. I've gone twice, and I like the therapist, Dave. I feel like I'm doing something. For so many months now I've just been slogging through, not feeling well, not knowing what's real and what's just an excuse, losing even more fitness, getting muffin top (weight isn't changing...obviously body composition IS), eating like crap, and, while not being depressed, just being incredibly BLAH. I HATE HATE HATE that I've gotten to the point where I can run on my RA ankle, but my Achilles ankle hurts like a motherfucker. Well, truthfully, the RA hurt a lot more, but I think I am more willing to tolerate that pain, since it's not ever really going away for good. An injury though, is almost insulting. Especially when I've gotten injured doing SO LITTLE.

Nonetheless. I have basically been limping for so long on both legs that I have very weak gastrocnemius muscles, very strong soleus muscles, and weaknesses in my hips and glutes. I've been doing some strengthening exercises along with ice massages (ow...brings back memories of high school stress fracture days). I'm getting ultrasound treatments during therapy, and he might stimulate the bone with electricity if thing don't get better in 3 weeks. It's not exactly the Achilles, it's where it inserts into the outside of my calcaneus bone. This is the best description I can find online. Dave told me to stop jumping (no boot camp, or severely modified boot camp), and since I can't run or walk, that leaves cycling (spontaneous so far this season due to weather, but looking up for next week) and swimming...I've been back in the pool twice this week, some swimming and some water running. But I just can't get serious right now, without running. I NEED IT. I know that if it's really ever out for good, or for a long long time, I need to get over it. And I did that last year, satisfactorily. But then I started again, and I can't let go of it.

I picked up at the library the book Run Like a Mother and started it last night. There's a lot in there that I need right now (and a lot I don't, it's a real hodge podge of random stuff). Just the stories of runners who were good, then life got in the way, they stopped running, and when they started again found it so hard and slow. It is so therapeutic to read that I'm not alone.

Anyway...

Dead robins - must be spring!

Another 70+ degree day, I took my bike out after deciding I had to CANCEL one of my tutoring sessions to ride instead. I only did 15 miles, but it was enough. There were some big hills in there (well, steep...maybe not big so much). I saw 3 dead robins on the road...definitely spring. I dropped my chain, which was a bit of a surprise as I've never done that when I've been riding alone. Luckily no flats...that would've taken a while to change by myself. I'm going to two workshops in the next couple weeks, one on bike maintenance (um, my MO to date has been to not maintain it at all) and one on fixing flats. I KNOW how to fix them, but it's been a while and I am not at all comfortable doing it, so I could use the instruction again.

I am exhausted right now though! Still getting over bronchitis of some sort (coughing up all kinds of stuff the last few weeks, fun) so I haven't been 100% since early December. Eh...annoying. I kind of gave in, what can you do? Trying to get pregnant now, so not much incentive to ramp things up.

Probably not the smartest idea, but I went to bootcamp this morning. Surprisingly (or not, gievn the vicodin) I felt ok and didn't really have to modify much because of the neck. It might have been too much though, as the flare is back (or rather, it was probably always there, but the medication wore off). A little more prednisone...and probably another vicodin (the headache associated with this neck pain is bad...it's the joint that my skull is sitting on after all). I don't want to use vicodin, but at the same time, I want to function. I've just never had pain like this (besides childbirth, and my GI issues a couple months ago). RA can be so different...day to day, year to year, person to person, joint to joint. The neck...it's the worst, pain wise. I do think MAYBE I prefer it to the ankle though...I could still run. But, maybe if the neck was permanently bad, I wouldn't be able to cycle. Or swim (no turning my head to breathe). But...whatever, we adapt!

I heart Vicodin

Neck flare again. Out of nowhere. Prednisone, wine, vicodin, and mucinex...I am feeling good right now. (I didn't intentionally mix the alcohol and vicodin...)

I did the TRX class last night. It was great, but I kind of wonder if all the stress of keeping my neck up during the class did me in. This winter I flared a couple times after shoveling heavy snow. Kinda sucks if there is a connection, because lifting is the one thing I can do even when my ankle/achilles hurt. Tuesday I went to the gym to run, and didn't even make 3/4 of a mile. I didn't even have it in me to stretch. It was weird.

I do wonder if there isn't jut something going on...the GI virus still affecting me maybe, the lingering bronchitis and cough I've had for nearly 3 weeks, something...I just feel off. And unfortunately I'm not pregnant, because that would explain a lot AND be a welcome thing. As it is...I think I'm going to look back on this winter and think, Man that SUCKED. In the moment it's hard to accept an "excuse." But in hindsight, it's been a lot to go through.