Thursday, March 03, 2011

On not running

Turns out (after I had a fun colonoscopy and biopsies were sent to the lab) that I probably had infectious colitis. Basically, some nasty virus that stuck around for 2 months making me miserable. There was microinflammation in the samples sent, but luckily they ruled out anything serious. Plus, it seems to have resolved itself after I had a good long puking episode a week ago Friday (which happened during last period of the day, and I just told my kids to leave...then I went to the bathroom and puked). So...I am feeling better in that regard.

With the weather turning a bit more spring like, I am dying to go running. However, my last few attempts have been thwarted by...pain, what else? Between my bad ankle and what feels like the bones pinching on nerves on some steps, and my Achilles (it's really the base of my heel on the sides, I guess that's the insertion point for the Achilles?) on the other foot, I basically just can't do it. It's killing me. Even walking again. Saw a woman running as I drove to school yesterday (and today), and honestly I just teared up at how mad I am that I can't do it anymore. Nothing substitutes for running. Nothing is the same.

There's another teacher here whom I see every week or so, and maybe a month ago she was all excited to tell me that she has started P90x. She used to be a runner and very in shape, but about 5 years ago she was diagnosed with some autoimmume eye disease, and was on prednisone for a couple years and gained 15 pounds and had double vision that made her stop running. Yesterday, she was so thrilled that she had run 2 miles on the treadmill. She echoed what I've been feeling, that nothing takes its place and that it's so frustrating to realize you'll probably never get back to where you were in terms of pace, ease, distance. I don't really know what to do with it all. I'm going to try today at the end of the day to do a treadmill run. Maybe it'll go ok, maybe not. I haven't lost my passion for running, but I've lost my ability to do so. That day finally came. Maybe not for good, I hope, but. It sucks.


fancy nancy said...

I am first so glad to hear that there is nothing serious going on. My Dad suffers from Chrone's Disease and wouldn't wish that on anyone!

I am so sorry to hear though the pain you are going through with running. There really is nothing like it but I'm sure once you are all healed you will get there again! When I was pregnant I couldn't run and then had to wait 2 months after. I thought I would never get back but I have. You can do it!

Nitsirk said...

You are having a rough winter for sure. It sucks to not be able to run or do whatever it is that makes us feel human. Hang in there though.

Angela and David said...

I can't even imagine your frustration. I hope you are able to get a few miles in soon.

And glad nothing more serious was found in your colonoscopy. I had one done last year and they are most certainly not fun.

ValleyWriter said...

I feel the same way. Running hasn't been the same since my diagnosis. I've done it on and off, depending on pain levels, but I just can't get back to where I was in terms of endurance. Still - even the days that I can run 1/2 a mile or a mile are good ones. The elliptical, the bike, lifting weights - none of it really feels the same.

Right now I'm in a mild flare and am trying to take it easy all around to keep it mild without resorting to a round of prednisone. It drives me nuts to have to cut back on being active. I almost feel lazy. But I just keep trying to pull up a mental image of all the erosions in my feet and remind myself that I'm doing what's best for me right now. I'll let you know when that works ;-)

N.D. said...

That's so frustrating :( I can't imagine and I hope something works out for you as spring approaches. I love the picture of you and Andra waving at the side-top.