AHHHH...

32 mile bike ride, average speed over 16mph (according to Bea's computer, I still need to replace mine). Just felt...dandy. I was all worried about not EVER being able to find the time to ride again. So far I was worried for no reason, and I think this summer will be no problem either. Words cannot express how giddy I feel about the prospects of long rides, after thinking they were gone. (Long runs evoke no giddy feelings, by the way.)

I moved my normal Sunday morning tutoring to tonight so I could be gone for 3 hours this afternoon without Fred getting annoyed at me. He and Andra had fun (went to the park, swung on the swings...picture below is actually from a couple weeks ago, but same idea). Andra was just in the BEST mood all day...giggly, chatty, just a happy, happy kid.

Two BOB runs

In all the drama I felt yesterday I forgot to say - Sunday I ran 5.5 miles with the BOB and it was so awesome! Not sure where my motivation came from to push it even up the hills. I tried the same thing the next day and it was NOT as good, only made 3 miles before walking the last 2.5 (which was worse than running). Still, 2 days in a row of BOB running was a good thing. I'm off track this week but hope the weather will cooperate for a run or ride outside Thursday and Friday.

Andra is better today, still not 100% though. I ended up sleeping on the floor in her room last night after I couldn't fall asleep in my own. Her breathing was loud enough that I could hear it in our room, but every time I drifted off I thought her breathing had stopped so I woke myself up. Pokey, my cat, kept me company all night which was nice. Andra woke up only once, then as usual around 6. After I fed her, she slept in my arms on the couch til 10. Had a couple other cat naps, came with me to tutor and had to sit on my lap to learn some geometry and chemistry, she thought it was much more interesting than her squeaky monkey. Good girl!

In RA news (so I don't forget I have it!) my ankle still comes and goes...some days hurts to walk (though running is usually fine, weirdly), some like today it's completely normal, full range of motion. Go figure. And the WebMD people tell me my piece really is going to be up soon. I am super impatient about it and hoping they didn't just cut me out.

When will it all end?

Andra's been leaking snot for a few days now. The long weekend was nice and I thought she was improving. Or so I told myself, even after she spit up (vomited?) pretty much everything she must have eaten this morning. I dropped her at daycare this morning instead of Fred so I could talk to them and let them know to call me if she needed to be picked up. At 11:30 they called and said her breathing was worse. So I got her (the sub who was in for my maternity leave happened to be having lunch with us, and happened to have been subbing for a teacher who had the rest of the day free, so she nicely offered to take the lab I had and I didn't even have to officially report my absence as she was already getting paid for a full day). We went to the doctor, who proclaimed her the happiest sick baby she'd ever seen. (Fred decided they must make pediatricians take a class on the right things to say to parents to make them feel like they have the best baby ever. At least around here.) Which of course was part of the problem, when your baby is happy and sleeps 12 hours, how do you know if she's not feeling well? Anyway, she's got snot, but lungs and ears are fine. I decided to take tomorrow off just in case. Luckily it's not a big deal, but it FEELS like a big deal. I have to get over this. I am SO STRESSED OUT. I don't want a sick kid for starters of course (I think I'll be up all night making sure she doesn't suffocate on her own snot). I also didn't want to have to go buy a new $800 washing machine today after ours broke a few days ago (we debated getting it fixed, but at 12 years old and at least a $300 repair bill, it just didn't make sense). I didn't want to go to the laundromat tonight, but Andra created another vomit flood in her car seat on the ride home from the doctor's (it was sad, except that she was so DAMN HAPPY afterwards) and I had to wash the cover. I also don't want to have to go get my emissions test and go to the DMV before Friday when my registration expires - it WAS all taken care of but I lost the stupid sticker before I put it on my car. I also lost my beach sticker - first year I've ever bought one (I hate the beach, too hot and I burn) and it's all just so ANNOYING because every time I check something off my to do list, 2 more things go wrong and have to be added. And I have to tutor for 3 hours tomorrow, now I might have to cancel 2 of them or bring Andra if she's feeling well enough (how will I know?). And I am sick of tutoring, but after spending $800 on a washing machine I feel way too guilty for EVER turning down a chance to make $125 an hour (yeah, crazy huh?).

Summer can't come fast enough.

Glorious weather

Following up my rides from last week, I rode Tuesday with another teacher from school (who's slower, but will go out for hours on her bike...we're planning a few long rides together this summer), and Thursday alone (skipping a faculty meeting...hey, I have priorities). Thursday my ass was saved from several wipeouts by a FedEx truck in front of me that forced me to slow down as I was descending (too quickly) down a twisty, unfamiliar back road. I also lifted at lunch Thurs and took Andra for a 40 minute walk in the evening. Wednesday I ran 4-5 miles. The weather this week was just too good to pass up. I felt so great about my working out (and having it be so much fun) that I didn't even mind that every night (M, T, W, Th) right after I put Andra to bed I had to go tutor for an hour. It was non-stop, but when I get the workouts in it's all ok.

Boot camp this morning, not sure about tomorrow, and then maybe a 5-miler on Monday morning. I won't PR of course...haven't been running enough to have any endurance and the speedwork I did for my 5k PR won't be enough (plus I've sort of stopped doing it!). I think I might do this one mile race in June in the town I teach in. It'll be a default PR, and just maybe (but doubtful) I could do it under 7 minutes!

I wish I were back at the running level I was before, when 9 miles was nothing and I was always in half-marathon shape. But, that's when I was always training for something. Seems like a long time ago! I'm really just so psyched to be getting out on my bike, even for just short hour long rides. And my biceps are, I think, the strongest and biggest they've ever been. I'm pretty content.

Bike 2!

I no longer have to pout and be jealous of all those I see on bikes lately. I got out twice in one week! Today was gorgeous (I'm glad I opted for the sleeveless jersey, my pale skin will NOT get rid of a farmer's tan once I get one), and I did a hilly 20 miles with Bea (first time I've ridden with her since fall of 2007 I think) into NY state. I need a new bike computer, but I LOVED the downhills. I never let myself enjoy them last summer for obvious (pregnant) reasons. And I still managed to pick Andra up by 3:30.

The weather has made a huge impact on my ability to work out. After I pick Andra up from daycare, anywhere between 2:30-3:30 usually, she tends to need some quiet time and often zonks out in my arms for a bit. (I've fallen asleep with her a few times.) Then, we'll head out in the BOB, alone or with Jessica and Kate, for a walk or a run (or a combo). I can't say my intensity is there, but the time is, and it feels good. I'm working out once, maybe twice a week at school at lunch (either lifting or treadmill running). Still going to boot camp on Saturdays. I am happy - the drive to be super intense or run long isn't there, but I think it'll come back this summer when work is out of the picture. I'll work out a part time schedule with daycare so we can keep our spot (this is probably the one summer I won't have to pay for full time even if she's not going full time, but I do need to keep her there some, which ultimately I'm happy about, except for the money aspect). I have all these grand plans about how I'll be able to run, swim, bike and lift all the time. In reality, if I can get in 2 different workouts a day (and an hour long walk will count as one!) I'll be happy. Plus I'm playing on a co-ed soccer team again starting in June which is always fun.

5 more weeks of school, one of which is exam week (meaning, no teaching!).

10k and first bike ride! And daycare

I ran a 10k Sunday. No way would I PR (I didn't), and I didn't even have any real time goal since I don't think I've run 6 miles more than twice since last September! Still, beating last year's 10 weeks pregnant time (55:52, 9:01 pace) would be nice.

I did 54:38, 8:48 pace. I tried just to run steady, and I think I did, despite messed up mile markers that had my first mile being 9:17, my second, uphill into the crazy wind that blew road grit into my eyes and mouth multiple times, mile being sub 8, and another sub 8 from 5-6. Clearly not the case. So I never really knew what my real pace was. Oh well, I expected 54:xx and that's what I ended up with! I pushed, but it was never super uncomfortable. I've done a race each of the past 3 weekends, and I needed a mental break. It was just nice to run "long!"


Fred and Andra were there at the finish. At some point he'll get the pictures off his fancy camera and I'll post them.

In bike news, last night I loaded up the bike into the car with the intention of riding after school for an hour. After Andra woke up just a bit too early (5:45 instead of the always hoped for 6:15), I thought I might bail and just come home and take a nap before picking her up from daycare. (Oh yeah, daycare...more below.) But I got a second wind, and even though I decided to start the ride from home instead of school, I did just over an hour and felt great! No idea yet how far as my computer was not functioning. (Update: 17 miles.) But it felt fast enough. And the route I took is so pretty, down to the Sound and past some really nice beaches and beach neighborhoods. My cell phone took decent pictures!



Daycare. Andra started at a small home daycare around the corner. She was supposed to go to a different one that I really liked, but it was contingent upon their getting their license expanded from 6 kids to 12, and that hasn't happened yet. So I scrambled a bit but found this one. It's great. We decided to keep her here long term. I wish the other had worked out, as I really did like it, but this one is closer, cheaper, more flexible in terms of hours, and though I don't like the house/set-up quite as much, the woman and her mom who run it are just fabulous. And Andra is having a blast. There's a 6 month old boy there (and 4 other toddlers), and when someone tickles him, Andra laughs. She just thinks he's the greatest. So I am actually finding it easier to get workouts in after school now than I was when my mom was here watching Andra. And, although I'm not quite ready to quit breastfeeding, I am ready to stop stressing out over trying to pump everything that she needs to eat every day. So she's getting 2 bottles of breastmilk and 1 bottle of formula most days (some days I do have 3 milks), and slowly I'm feeling really good about that. Before I was rushing to get home by 2:30 so I could feed her so she wouldn't need the 3rd bottle, but really that just wasn't working. I'm working towards a summer schedule of 6am nurse, 9am bottle, 12pm nurse, 3pm bottle, nurse the rest of the day. And pumping as long as I want to and giving formula when I've had enough. I am pretty impressed I made it this far, and Andra seems to prefer bottles anyway except first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

Long post.

5k PR!

Here's the best I can do at a race report:

Mile 1: Went out too fast (7:20) but it's downhill a bit so, ok. 2 women passed me that I didn't think should have, but I was wrong.

Mile 2: Includes a short but steep uphill so I knew I had to watch it. Must've been about an 8:30 mile as I remember the time being close to 16:00.

Mile 3: Lots of debating going on in my head here. No big hills so I figure I can go sub-8 BUT it'll hurt. But "it's supposed to hurt" (thanks, Michelle!). And if I go 8:10 it'll hurt just as much but without the PR. So I just try.

Last 0.1: At mile 3 I think my watch said 23:40 or so so I knew I would PR! Saw Fred and Andra, gave 2 thumbs up, and Fred said I was the 7th woman (LOVE small races!). Final time had me at 24:22 (7:50 pace). So that's 17 seconds off my 2007 PR! I'll take it. I had a goal of setting 3 PRs before Andra turns 1. I now have 2.

I was also 2nd in my age group (30-39) and got a little trophy! Andra went up with me to claim it.

Lessons learned:
I can run in the rain.
Temperature makes a difference...55 today, 75+ last weekend, 2 minute difference.
Mile markers, a watch, and knowing the course makes a difference. I was willing to push today because I knew exactly where I was, physically and time-wise.
I'm not in bad shape.
I'm doing ok!

I have a super cute kid:

I miss my bike helmet

I just got it for my birthday last March. It's practically new. And it's out in the garage, totally neglected and probably home to some spiders.

I promise myself I will find a way to start riding in June.

Try again next weekend

No PR. Not really even close, I had to beat 24:39 and I did 26:19. 8:31 pace. My 4 miler a month ago was faster! I went out ok, probably too fast like usual. I couldn't find my watch this morning, though it didn't matter as there were no mile markers! That, the unusual (yet pretty nice!) heat, and lack of 5k experience (I've only really raced one) meant it wasn't a great race. On the positive side, my stomach behaved, I did manage to push pretty much the whole race, and my friend Clara ran too and PR'd. I think the heat slowed everyone down, as even with my mediocre time I finished in the top 25% (120 out of 508, 13/97 in age group). I even saw a woman running with a BOB, and I talked to her at the end. There was another woman running whom I saw after the race with 8 month old twins! She said her time today was 2 minutes better than her last 5k a couple weeks ago. It was fun talking to other running moms! And Andra and Fred had a great time at home together. Yesterday too, I was gone for about 2.5 hours (5 mile run and then tutoring) and left a bottle (and Fred actually gave it to her, at least today) so I didn't worry so much about being home at a certain time. Slowly I am trying to make myself a little less important.

Next weekend there's a 5k that is on the same course as the Bunny Boogie I chickened out of on Easter weekend. I will do it...it's close to home, it's my favorite running loop (so even if the miles aren't marked, mentally I'll know exactly how much further I have to go), and really, there's no physical reason I can't run a 7:55 pace. I know treadmills are easier, but I've done 3 miles faster than that a couple times recently and felt great. I'd guess my biggest problem is that I do go out too fast and then crash at the end. Maybe I'll race a bunch of 5k's this year and learn better strategy. I do hate 5k's though. You have to be in pain the whole time for it to be a good race. 10k's too. Half and fulls, I am never really uncomfortable (maybe I should be, ha!), I just go at a reasonably challenging pace and hold on.

I hope Andra and Fred cheer me on next weekend.

Summer is close...

This is how I spent the last 2 days playing hooky from school (hey, gotta use those personal days every year or they expire!). After 3 days of cold rain, Thursday was sunny and nice enough for an hour walk/run (about half and half) outside. Today was an hour walk with Jessica and baby Kate to work off the amazing caramel apple cookie I had with lunch. This weekend I'm hoping to motivate to run 8 or so outside, alone. I've been slacking a little on the weights, feeling envious in a not so good feeling way every time I see someone on a bike, but enjoying being outside and slowly accepting running with the BOB. I love walking with it, which ends up being the problem...I'd rather walk than run. I have a hard time believing that things will get back to normal (as in, feeling like I'm in good running shape, having 7-8 miles be normal weekday runs, lifting 2-3 times a week, riding with Eric once a week, etc.) but at the same time I know it'll be easier as Andra gets older and doesn't need just me so much (at least, I hope my perception that she needs just me will change!). And if things don't go back exactly the same as before (as if they could), I hope to find peace with 5 and 10k's rather than halfs and marathons. I definitely don't have a ton of encouragement to get out on my own and run, and I think that support, or push, from home is essential to getting back to distances right now. Again, once Andra is older, I hope that support materializes...

Ankle

I ran 5 miles Friday with Andra snoozing in the BOB. It was nice, slow but nice. Did boot camp Saturday, wearing my ankle brace for the first time in months. Later that day, I had a bad RA flare just in the ankle (not wrists, just ankle, which was weird, usually it's more than one joint). Couldn't walk. Luckily I had prednisone left over from before getting pregnant, and Sunday it was walkable, though tender. Whatever...the flare didn't freak me out like it might have before. And after Sunday and Monday off, I ran 4 decent miles (8:30, 8, 7:30, 9) on the treadmill at school during lunch today.

We spent the gorgeous weekend getting the yard cleaned up, flowers planted, hostas divided and moved to a bare spot in the back yard. It felt very productive. My mom gets things done when she is here...we might just have sat around all weekend, but she made us work! And helped out tremendously with projects, and baby-watching. My brother and 1.5 year old niece were with us (my niece is staying til today), which added a little spice.

Managing to work out about 4-5 days a week, which is ok for now. I am continually surprised when I run how easy it sometimes feels to go at what I think I remember being a hard pace. Sunday I think I am running a 5k. I wimped out of a 3 miler Easter weekend because it was raining, and I really wanted to PR but didn't think I would (I'd needed a 7:30 pace or thereabouts). I only need a 7:55 pace or so to PR for the 5k, so I think I can do it.

All that matters

Every time I get down about how I'm not working out as much as the rest of you and about how busy I feel what with work and spending enough time with Andra, I just read this blog about a preemie who should have been Andra's age and thank god my little girl is healthy. I'd gain 200 pounds and never work out again if it would keep her that way.


And not that most of you don't have your own super cute babies doing stuff, but here's Andra rolling over.

I am managing to work out at least every other day. Mostly at school during the week. I have little interest in running with the BOB. I'll walk, but I will admit to just not being into running with it. I've had some good solo runs (and some bad ones). It's going to be ok. It's not ok now, but it's going to be. I have to give myself more time. I just need to stop and be patient and give myself more time. Actually, strangely enough, that's the problem - I don't have enough time. I really really really hope in 8 weeks when school ends I'll be ready to proioritize working out again. I know I'll have trouble if I don't keep Andra in some form of regular daycare (like 2 hours, 3 days a week or something). I can always take her to the gym, or have a friend or a babysitter watch her, but knowing me that just won't happen if it's not on a regular schedule. But. That's then. I need to be in the moment. Tomorrow it's supposed to near 70, and I will be out with BOB. Hopefully running, but at least doing something.

Morning run

It certainly wasn't dark when I ran this morning, but it was morning! 7:30 or so. After feeding Andra I just really wanted to go. I wavered a bit, but knew I really had no choice. I did what used to be my usual 5.5 mile route from home. It was easy, fast for the effort (or lack of mostly, about an 8:40 pace), and for once my (empty) stomach had no complaints.

I'm glad I did it because this afternoon Andra and I spent 3+ hours in the car (1 hour there, 2:15 back) going into NYC for her laser treatment. She was a gem...I on the other hand got into a honking match with a cab driver who was being an ass in the rush hour traffic. I won.

Please explain...

Those of you with the motivation to get up and work out early (like, dark early) and who are still breastfeeding...WTF??? Do you just pump and have your husband give a bottle if the kid wakes up while you're gone? Do your kids somehow sleep past 7am reliably? Do you feed before you go and your little angel goes back to sleep?

Not that I'm in any danger of actually getting up early to work out. And frankly, if you comment and answer these questions I might lose my excuses of "Big leaky boobs, awake kid, completely torn about whether I want her to have a bottle except when I'm at work."

But this summer I'm going to have to consider this as an option.

Oprah...and no nap

So after sitting Andra in her bouncy seat in front of the dishwasher (which by the way had CLEAN dishes in it as I ran it this morning, but never emptied) because the girl NEEDED A NAP (serious meltdown), I turned on Oprah. (I really meant to finish a book from the library that I checked out in February and have renewed twice already.) The show is about motherhood! And how so many women have overblown expectations.

I don't think I had unrealistic expectations. I don't have the need to be perfect, to have the perfect kid (although of course I do!), to stay on the perfect schedule. My husband will affirm that our house is not particularly clean, and I don't cook much or well. And that's all ok with me. My priorities are 1) happy kid (preferably one who NAPS, though sleeping 10-12 hours at night is good enough), 2) working out (I'm ok with maintaining right now, even though I wish I could do 2 hour workouts and be as fit as I was when I got pregnant). Everything else just has to fall into place, and if it doesn't...eh, well, it just has to.

I remember freaking out while pregnant about how things would change, about how my priorities would change, what if I couldn't work out or hang out with friends? And some people told me that those things just wouldn't matter to me then. It's sort of true. You sacrifice things, but it doesn't really feel like a sacrifice. It's a choice - and so far I haven't felt badly about having to miss out on things. "You can't get back there." They just said that on Oprah, referring to your pre-mommy life. You have to reinvent yourself. That sounds a little dramatic, but I think it's definitely true for some aspects. Your self image does change. And it's not a bad thing. There's just SO MUCH about motherhood that you can't prepare for, you just can't imagine it AT ALL until you go through it. From being pregnant (SO much better that I would've anticipated), to labor (OUCH, who'd have thought pain like that existed and that you really could forget how much it hurt?), to not minding a little creature sucking on your super sore nipples (yeah, I would never have believed I'd still be breastfeeding)...it's endless. You just have to be open to what comes and learn to roll with the punches. If you don't...well, then you end up on Oprah telling the world how all your dreams and expectations were dashed. Which is part of the reason I don't beat myself up that I can't get past 6 miles running. Physically I could (if there were enough bathrooms along the course...that's another story). Mentally, an hour away is enough. Maybe, as Andra is getting older, if I didn't work I could do it (and hope to this summer!). But after 8 hours away, dealing with work and getting up at 5:30 am, working out some is enough. I don't have the option of working part time. So I have to work out part time. It's the way it is, no purpose in assigning it a "good" or "bad" label. I do wish I could fulfill the unrealistic workout expectations I had for after baby, but... for now I have to be ok with the status quo.

I went to a spinning class today...first one in like 6 months, or more. It was too easy. Partly because my heart rate monitor wasn't in my gym bag when I got there, so I didn't have that info to make me push myself harder, and partly because I expected it to be hard so I held back. It was good still, and FUN to be doing that again. I can go at least twice more this week, and I will.

Andra's nap lasted 26 minutes. It took at least that long for her to fall asleep to begin with. I sense another meltdown in 2 hours for bedtime...

RA Update...Not Much

I think my wrists have gotten stronger. I've noticed, since having the baby, that I can do pushups better, side planks on my hand (instead of just my forearm), bicep curls with heavier weights...they still don't bend much, but I do think they're stronger then before. And the ankle brace I wore for my left ankle, I haven't even seen since giving birth. The only anti-inflammatories I take now are for my Achilles/heel.

The WebMD thing still doesn't have my piece up. They emailed my a couple weeks ago for pictures of me running to add to it, so I know they're working on it. I am getting impatient though!

I bought some hair bows for Andra off of Etsy. I wasn't sure I'd like them...but I do!

Spring Break

Three more hours of work, then a week off! Another reason my job works.

We've had either my mom or my mother in law here for the last 5 weeks (minus a few weekend days) and while it was a tremendous help getting me back to work, we're ready for the house to ourselves again. I can't wait to hang out with Pickle for a whole week!!!

Two!

Somehow I got in 2 workouts today. I lifted at school during my free lunch period (enough time to pump and work out...eating, not so much!), and when I checked my email later Jessica said she was going to take Kate out in the BOB around 4 at Cove Island. The Cove is a city park/beach with a mile long flat jogging trail, mostly paved. I somehow made it there on time and we did a nice and easy 3 miles, talking the whole time. It was fun and both girls were so good, and the weather was just perfect.

I like having mommy friends. Sometimes I can feel a little overwhelmed, for instance today I just wouldn't have gone out on my own for a run because there's a 50/50 chance that Andra will scream bloody murder when I put her in the car seat. Since I told Jessica I'd meet her, I had to just suck it up and tell Andra to get over herself, which she quickly did. Sometimes I am a little afraid of the meltdowns. I hope she grows out of them.

Sweet Sleep

So the little Pickle seemed pretty cranky yesterday. New Grammy to play with this week, and I think she was a little confused. Not to mention she's not a good napper anyway these days. So the little crankpot ate around 5:30 and then I put her in her PJs, and she was asleep in my arms by 6. I didn't think it would last, but at 6:30 I put her in her crib, zipped her into her blanket, and crept away. Around 8 I realized she really was out for the night, but I was worried she'd wake up too early and be hungry, not to mention I hadn't changed her diaper since 5. So I changed her and fed her a little, and she never even opened her eyes. Woke up on her own around 6:15 this morning, right on time! This was the first night she slept unswaddled (although I tucked her arms into her sleepsack rather than putting them through the armholes).

The girl loves her 12 hours of beauty sleep.

(Yeah, I know I am about to be proven wrong. Teething, bad karma for bragging, it'll get me I'm sure.)

Happy Birthday...

..to me! 34. Tonight's the last night my mom's in town (til mid-Arpil when she returns for 2 weeks) so she gets to put Andra to bed (sort of) while Fred and I go to dinner.

I'm at school now. It's my free period, which is also over lunch, and it's 60 degrees and sunny out, so I should be out for a run. But, instead a kid is making up a test and I'm here. No worries, I plan to run with the BOB later. I haven't run with it much AT ALL lately, so it'll be good for me.

A few of the bloggers I read are struggling with going back to work post-baby. Today I went down to talk to an English teacher who is due Wednesday, and today is her last day. It all got me thinking about where I am and what we're doing.

I had mild panic over going back to work during the month of February. I didn't have a clue how I'd get out the door by 7am, showered and dressed. Thank god my mom came. Now I'm having mild panic about how it will be when she's gone, but I also realize that if I just take things as they come everything works out. Being back at work for a month now, it's all good. I love my job, still. I'm not the horrible teacher I thought I'd be. Luckily, this is my 8th year and I know what I'm doing so my prep time is minimal. I don't waste as much time at school (umm, today being an exception!) so I get a lot of my grading done before I leave (I also grade while I pump!). Working out is suffering, and I don't like that, but I also am telling myself that it will get better as the weather improves and that summer (and twice a day workouts) are right around the corner. I feel a little like I'm missing out on Andra, but since I'm home by 3pm most days, and I see her for an hour before I leave (even though it means walking her up at 6am), it's not terrible. She absolutely adores my mom, she's a fantastically happy baby (at least until bedtime), and there are no indications that she misses me at all (ok, mixed feelings there!). I was really shy as a kid, and my husband and I are still quiet people. I want Andra to be more social than we were as kids, and daycare will provide that. Other teachers here have told me how their kids have thrived in day care socially and academically. Is it better than being home with mom all day? Maybe not, but it reminds me of the whole breastfeeding/formula feeding debate; both are fine, what matters is what works for you and your family. I think Andra and I will love the daycare I chose. We'll find out in May hopefully, as the plan is for her to spend May and June there. If things don't feel right, I can always re-evaluate. While I liked being home on leave, I think Andra is doing great on more of a schedule, which I wasn't able to implement (if she cried, I fed her...now she eats 5 times a day and has a solid bedtime). I like having my job identity still. I like Andra being able to be fed from other people, I like the idea that she's not 100% dependent on just me. At 3.5 months, she's so different from how she was at 1 month, or 2, or even 2.5. I think that as she gets older, I will feel even better about "leaving" her at daycare (until the clingy stage, which I think isn't for a while).

Anyway, I think I wanted to put that down on "paper" for my own peace of mind. Now, if I could only (WOULD only) eat better...