Double

This week school seems to have let up a bit. I caught up on all my grading since I had to turn in first quarter grades Monday. I have the next two weeks of lessons planned out. So, that means I have more time to work out. I went to the gym today after school to run (it was cold out, I am a wimp right now about cold) and did 2 miles. Straight. At a pace of...10 minute miles. It was hard! This is way worse than a post-pregnancy comeback. Then, I ran all but about 5 weeks, including a marathon, a half, a 10k, a 5k, and a 5 miler right at the end. This time, I really have not run at all (minus a few random 10 minute attempts) in 11 months. The distance was fine. The pace though...I can't believe a 10 minute mile was so hard. It felt like what 8 minute miles used to feel like. Oh well, hopefully I'll be able to have fun watching that pace get faster.

Andra and I went to the playground briefly after I picked her up, but she apparently has learned the word "Home" and wanted to go there. The she kept using her favorite new word, "Juice," which takes a lot of effort for her to say (though the girl does practice). I went to the gym AGAIN to the core class I like to take, and when I got home at 7:45 Andra was still up. I wasn't expecting that, since I was told she played happily in her crib for 1.5 hours today instead of napping. I hope this isn't her new normal.

Also, turns out we are having 13 adults and 3 kids at our (pretty small) house for Thanksgiving. This could be...disastrous. It certainly won't be fancy. I have to make lists to ask people to bring things! It could be fun though.

Is it over?

Ran 2 days in a row. There was no bootcamp yesterday morning, so I went to the gym just to work out on my own. Ran a mile, lifted, ran another mile. Hmmm. Felt...pretty fine. So I tried again today after I put Andra down for a nap. Just my new "usual," a 2.5 mile loop from home. Ankle felt...pretty fine. I think I turned a corner, physically and mentally.

My goal is going to be to try to run twice a week. I am seriously out of shape, and the slow running I did was kind of pathetic, but that just means I will see improvement if I keep at it. Mentally, just telling myself to do a 20-30 minute run seems like nothing. Short runs used to be double that. So I should be able to fit them in easily, right after school once or twice a week.

Eleven months of not running. And now, just maybe, that is over.

My Sunflower

I did make the costume (including the flower crown for Duck-Duck). The sweater and pants were just her regular clothes, but I added all the colorful stuff! So much fun.

Fall run

Ran today outside. Walk 2 min, run 8, total 30 min. Totally overdressed, I feel like a novice at figuring out the weather for running! Ankle felt good...not normal, it hurt, but it was runnable without a real limp. Not sure if this will continue, but I think I've had enough of these posts that I need to start assuming that I can run at least once a week. There's no danger of my really running for now, in that I found out I'm pretty out of shape! But the act felt good, the soreness will feel good tomorrow. Hopefully the RA went in, did its thing, and is out now...though I'm left with the results, still, it's not as bad as when it was actively in there 9 months ago. I do wonder if, when I get pregnant again, hopefully next year, it will go away like it did last time. Again, I know I am left with the damage to the bones, but that I can deal with...people run with all kinds of osteoarthritis, which, once the RA isn't active there anymore, is basically what I'm left with. I also think my new Brooks running shoes (the same kind I always have work, though lately I've been wearing some Asics I bought even though I know Asics don't fit me well...figured they'd be ok for non-running things, but they're still not for me) helped. My orthotics I am still not convinced about (my drugstore Dr. Scholl's arch supports do as much if not more for the pain). At any rate...think my hiatus is over. Now I need to carve out one run a week. Added to the 2 classes I take (Saturday boot camp and Tuesday core), that will have to do for now, as tutoring has taken over a lot of my "me" time...but it's ok as the relief from money worries makes up for it. Fitness will come back...

About the costume, yes, I made it! Lots of felt. Sewn to a purchased headband and a hand-me-down sweater. We went to a halloween party tonight at the YMCA and I think Andra had the best costume. I am not a fan of store-bought...though it I weren't a tiny bit crafty I wouldn't be able to think that way. Pictures soon, it was too dark at the party to get good ones.

Sunflower costume...

Ready to go! Hoping it survives the pictures at daycare tomorrow plus a party before the big day!

Change is good

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. ***Anais Nin

This quote is on one of my friend's Facebook profile. I like it.

Fall Pictures

Downshifting

Working out is taking a back seat to tutoring this year. No secret that the drive to workout has dropped a lot now that I can't run. I know I *could* work harder at other things, and I tried...with the masters swim last winter, with the aqua-bike races I did, with the CCC bike trip...I tried. And, I had fun. But the DRIVE to GO GO GO just was never replicated. Some of it is probably for the best, in that my focus can't just be on me now that I have a kid. But I also know that's a bit of a cop out, as so many others still do it all, and still love it. Not being able to run means that I have no way to gauge my fitness, nor do I have a need to do so. There's no test...no upcoming 5k, no half-marathon to train for, nothing to prove to myself. I WISH I could. I wish there were local bike races every weekend like there are local road races. I wish there had been local open water swim races. But it seems that, as popular as triathlons are, cycling and swimming events by themselves just aren't. It kind of sucks. And actually, there is a local criterium series (about an hour away, so not so local) in the summer, but...an hour away, with all the hassle of the bike...and a kid...it just wasn't happening. Argh. I sort of sound like I am making excuses, and maybe I am, although I know the bottom line is, for WHATEVER reason, fitness isn't as important right now. I don't like it. And don't get me wrong, I am not getting any fatter and I haven't become a couch potato. I am happy. But I am also scared that I might lose that part of me. Volunteering at road races this summer was important to me, since I couldn't run them. I want to still be associated with the athletic lifestyle, even if I don't live and breathe it any more. Eh...I don't know. And hopefully next summer I will be pregnant again, so I won't be doing any triathlons (except maybe the swim part of a relay?).

Ok, this post started off about tutoring. My point was, instead of working out, I am now working 10 extra hours a week. It's killer money...I am matching my take-home pay every month, or will be if the 10 kids I agreed to work with all need me once a week (ha ha, or perceive that they do...I still don't get the mentality, but it's a wealthy community and I think it's a status thing to have a tutor sometimes rather than asking your teacher for free help). But that was my work-out time, and now that's largely not there anymore. And I'm ok with it. Especially because we have 2 new cars in our near future (my 1999 Subaru, which I love, probably will need to go in a year or so, and Fred's 2003 VW has 200,000 miles on it since his commute is so long), a second kid in the future, the equity in our house has dwindled to practically nothing due to the market, and things like that stress me out. I figure if I do all this tutoring this year, then I can relax next school year, have a baby, and...then stress out again about money the year after that!

Ride Over!

Well, it all worked out. I flew to San Francisco last Friday, in time for most of the opening dinner. Our bikes were there, and, minus a bent derailleur hanger (I have no idea what that is, but the mechanics fixed it so it didn't matter), everything was perfect. We rode out Saturday morning and did 86 miles to Santa Cruz. It was GREAT. I felt GREAT. Super strong.
Then I had to leave the next morning, but it was ok. That morning I also met Jeff, one of the founders of Amgen, and heard the story of how he was pretty much responsible for getting the manufacturing of Enbrel down. (When I first wanted to go on it, there was a waiting list months long because Immunex, who developed the drug, had manufacturing issues with a protein breaking down. Jeff knew how to fix it, and Amgen bought out Immunex and within a year there was no more waiting list. Yes, he was a bit self-inflating, but at the same time, I think he wasn't...and besides, he raised over $3000 the first day riding, including $600 at a nude beach, and that is on top of the $50,000 or so he raised before the ride even started.)

My bike went on without me, looking very official on top of the Amgen team car. At least one of us did the whole distance.
I spent Sunday morning with my friend Sarita and her new husband Andrew who just moved out to Sunnyvale from CT. They got me back to the airport, I flew home, got to sleep around 2am, had to get up at 6 for work, then tutor for 2 hours that night (I didn't even get to put Andra to bed)...it was CRAZY. But, I got it done, and then went BACK to CA Wednesday. Rode 3 more days, 67 miles, 88 miles, and 60 miles. I'd never had saddle sores before Thursday. OUCH. Made Friday and Saturday considerably less comfortable, but still loads of fun. We had some long stretches of relatively FLAT road on the last day into Santa Monica, and I just went. It was amazing, windy, a bit rainy at times, just perfect. And the days I missed happened to be the hottest (in the 9os+) and hilliest (and yes, the most beautiful, but I'm trying not to remember that).

It was neat to see a bunch of other riders with arthritis. Some had RA, others had other forms, but we were all athletes who don't let it stop us, and that was neat to see.

Another run...I'll take what I can get.

Gorgeous day today, so I took Andra to one of the neighboring beaches we can only get into off season. I parked about a mile from the beach so I could get an iced coffee from the cute market in town. Put Andi in the BOB and off we went. My ankle felt ok (instead of my custom $$ orthotics, I had in good old Dr. Scholl's inserts I bought while pregnant...I think I had another post a while ago that these actually seemed to do more than the orthotics, but they've been hidden in my slippers all summer and so I haven't worn them in a while). I figured I'd run a few steps and see. Hmmm. Not bad, except that my iced coffee was sloshing all over the place. (If I'd planned to run, I wouldn't have bought that as a pre-workout drink!) Still, small price to pay if I can actually manage to run...and I could! It was 10 minutes to the beach, and later 10 back. It was slow, but honestly not much slower than normal BOB runs for me (oh, how long ago that all seems...). It felt good...not pain free, but I don't think I had too much of a limp, and running actually feels better than walking when I can do it. I'm not sure I can necessarily plan runs...some days I know it will just hurt too much. But, maybe I can plan more walks that COULD be runs if it feels good. It would be nice to be able to do that again. Working out has taken a backseat to everything lately. Work is a bit stressful, I am tutoring 5 or 6 hours a week as opposed to the 2 last year (we need the $$ badly, especially with this CA bike trip), and the not being able to just go run makes working out much more of a time commitment.

I hope I am sore tomorrow. I miss that.

OK, OK....

I guess I'm not posting much because I'm not working out much. I used to love posting about my runs, how I did, what I felt like. But now that I'm not running, not so much to say. Not so exciting to tell about the set I did in the weight room. I haven't completely given up, I still work out probably 4 days a week (swimming, cycling, a class at the gym or lifting) but with no plan or pattern. I'm ok with it for the most part, recognizing it just as a low point in the cycle. Except for the fact that I have this epic bike ride (well, half an epic bike ride) coming up, it wouldn't matter so much. As it is, I will not be in nearly as good of shape as I wanted to be. Still, I keep reminding myself that this is not a race, it's a tour with apparently LOTS of stops along the way for coffee, pictures, lunch, etc. My ass is going to hurt, but I can deal. The most I have to ride is 3 consecutive days. And we met our fundraising minimum too, which is nice.

Andra and I have been making the rounds at the local playgrounds every afternoon to satisfy her never ending request for "Slide?" (which actually means "swings." Can't convince her to say that one, even though it's what she means.) It's been fun. Good weather. I get a coffee and stand and push her 30 minutes in the swing (God forbid another kid wants a turn), convince her to go to the REAL slide for a while, and take one more turn in the swings before calling it a day. Not bad. I also got her a water table for the deck, a little late in the season but it was $5 on Craigslist. She loves to splash and pour.

End of summer

This blog has started to become what my journal has...infrequent entries that read more like bullet points of things I don't want to forget. Oh well.

Working out...with vacations and heat waves, this didn't go as planned this summer, especially the last 2 weeks. Last workout was a 22 minute swim in Lake Huron 2 weeks ago. It was fun though! With this being the last week of summer vacation, my motivation is low. As always, I wish I could run. Biking alone just doesn't appeal, though I do enjoy it when I am out there. I haven't come to terms with not running yet. I did have that barefoot episode, but haven't done more. I haven't accepted that I will almost certainly never run distances again, and definitely never at my real speed. The appointment with the ankle guy in the city yesterday confirmed that. Surgery would alleviate the pain, but probably wouldn't cure my limp. So. The best I can hope for is that time will damage the joint more so that it hurts less (weird, yes) and that mentally I can be ok with going for a short run/limp and not having it count as a workout. But when I drive along my old running routes, I miss it. I guess more than that I miss who I was then. I miss the discipline, determination, focus. Life changes, that's fine, but...I guess it's like how I wish I could go back to college again. Can't. Done. That's over. But, I still miss it.

Plan to post pictures soon...we were just in Michigan for a week with my brother, niece, and parents. Then Andra and I took the train to Chicago (4.5 hours) for an overnight with my friend Jessica and her kids. That was a blast...another nostalgia though. Jessica was my first mom friend here in CT, and then she moved back to Chicago just a year later (this past March). Major bummer. Especially since our kids actually sort of PLAYED together. Her daughter has some of her husband's antisocial qualities and tends to not like other kids. Or at least that's what Jessica says...the woman tells FUNNY stories about her family. I miss that honesty!!! Plus it makes me like her kid...right now, I pretty much don't like other people's kids. Ever. (Yes, I am a teacher.)

Team Vlad

Me with the 2 16-year olds on the team. Vlad is in the middle, he averaged 19mph on the bike. Jan is the runner (and he ran barefoot!) and he did the 5k in about 20 minutes. 1:32:30 I think, 10/20 for the relays and around 172/610 overall. They didn't keep splits for anyone, just a final time minus your wave start, so the relays were thrown in with the individual results. Despite what the race officials were calling a "healthy" half-mile swim (first swimmer finished in 13 minutes on my watch, so my 22 minutes wasn't as bad as it sounds), it was good! I hit the first 2 buoys head on, but never saw the third (I was sighting the beach then). No sense of panic or drowning!

These are Vlad's parents, Gabriel finished in around 1:22 and Olympia took pictures!

I ran!

I decided I had to try running. It has been 6 months, with the last, kind of pathetic attempt, sometime in January. Yesterday I took off my shoes and ran barefoot at the playground with Andra. Today I went to the gym, and did a barefoot 15 minutes (ummm, that was just a little over a mile). Speed can't happen...not that I've lost that much fitness, but I have to change my gait, and at least now, there's no way I'm going to go fast. The thing is? Didn't matter. I had my iPod, and I FELT like I was flying! I tried to run again with shoes on after that 15 minutes, and it wasn't as good. Neither way was "normal," exactly. I can't roll from my heel to push off with my big toe, which is normal (for me at least). I was running slightly more on the outside of my left foot, and I'm sure my hips were moving more than normal to compensate. With shoes, I wasn't able to land as much on the outside of my foot, which is why I preferred barefoot. That, and I had fewer expectations while barefoot.

It was fun. I am still a runner. I got all nostalgic and excited getting on the treadmill. It was kind of emotional. That's why I like running. Nothing else lets me think things through like a good run. (And slow as it was, this counted as a good run.)

My only concern is that, if I can do this once or twice a week because I enjoy it, it can't replace a real workout. I tried to take my heart rate at the end, and I think it was in the 130s. Between the 15 minutes of running and the 15 minutes of rolling out my hip flexor on the foam roller to try to avoid any issues from my gimp, it's a long process for little physical benefit. But, the mental benefits may be more important right now.

Relay!

Sunday I am doing the swim part of a sprint tri in Greenwich. A high school kid who comes to the Y with his parents (they are all super nice, parents are from...shoot, some eastern European country) has done the relay for the past couple years and wanted to again, so his dad asked if I wanted to swim. It should be fun!!!

Vacation #1

And the heat continues...which has made me really just not into doing anything outside. And since I don't run or walk anyway anymore, that just left cycling to get the axe. So I've been a bit of a slacker, though I have kept up the swimming, water running, and lifting, and spinning.

This past week, we were at Lake George, at the Silver Bay YMCA. Fred's sort of a Quaker, and they have their yearly retreat type thing up there every year. I was skeptical last year, not being AT ALL religious, but it was fun and I didn't really encounter any religion. You had to know where to go to get it, and I didn't, which suited me fine! We had a blast. Andra in particular would have preferred if we never left. We were outside all day (and it wasn't 90 degrees and humid!), we went swimming and canoeing, and best of all, she could just walk around and say hi to people who would say hi back. (Home now, we went to the grocery store this morning, and it was a little depressing, as Andra kept waving at everyone and very few people responded...not the friendliest of areas, alas.) She was known as the girl with the orange crocs (or, in her words, "shoos"). Fred and I went for a 25 mile bike ride one day, I lifted once, and two days I swam laps in the lap lanes they put out in the lake (I'm guessing they were around 75 yards...anyway between 50-100). It was kind of a good mix between open water swimming and pool swimming! Also, a friend of Fred's was there, someone he hadn't seen in years, with his wife and 19 month old son. We had a lot of fun with them.

Heat wave

We've been at the pool every afternoon this week. No central air = kinda hot. Actually it's not terrible, we have AC units upstairs and if I keep all the windows and blinds closed and point a fan downstairs, it's pleasant enough until about 2pm. And since I take Andra to daycare before noon so I can go to the gym to swim or lift, it's all good. Our next door neighbor has AC and I hung out there yesterday morning since her house was empty (I was invited!), and I actually had to leave and go home because I was TOO cold! She calls her house the meat locker, and it really is!

Andra likes the crocs I got her today. I've had trouble finding sandals that fit her feet...size 4.5 wide. But these were awesome, and she LOVES them.

I didn't win!!

This was a great race! I think I feel so good about it because I came in 5/6 in the aquabike division...meaning there was good competition! Including someone I swam with in the master's class. Not sure why she didn't run, I think she just isn't much of a runner. But she was the fastest swimmer in the group (male or female) so I knew she at least would be tough to beat (I didn't know much about her cycling other than I was faster, but didn't know if it would be enough to offset the swim). She ended up beating me by 2 minutes and 13 seconds! The 5 minutes faster she swam* wasn't enough for the 3 minutes I beat her on the bike. That, plus there were 3 other faster (and one slower, though not by much) women aquabikers.

*The swim...can you call it a swim if you have to RUN to the first buoy (and partway to the second)? Can you say LOW TIDE? Ouch. If my ankle wasn't enough to make me unhappy that the swim included a run, the oyster shells on the slimy, muddy bottom of Long Island Sound was. So, I was at a bit of a disadvantage there, but...who cares. After I could actually swim, it wasn't bad. Took a while to get used to the nasty salt water (and sulfur smell that accompanies low tide around here) but the temperature was perfect (71F), there was a lot of room to spread out, and even if I am not fast, I am steady. Felt good. 30:51.

T1. 4:18. Of course it includes the long walk to my bike that everyone else can run, and my wetsuit came off easier than last time, so...whatever.

Bike. Let's start with the flat tire I got while pumping up my tires at 5am. Luckily, still at home. Got my husband out of bed to change it for me...it was the rear tire, plus it's been 2 years since I've changed one. Despite his broken collar bone (crash 3 weeks ago), he was still way faster than I ever would have been. So with everything good bike wise, I went out to have FUN. I decided that swimming was survival, biking was fun, and running (when I did it) was WORK. So, I can't work anymore...better that than not being able to have FUN! It was a tough course, though not as tough as the one a few weeks ago. I did manage to slow down to a whopping 4.2mph on one steep hill that WOULD NOT END. I still passed 2 people at that speed...go figure! And there were a lot of false flats...like, I would be dying and going so slowly, then it would turn into an actual hill and I would speed up and feel better. 17.5 average speed for the 24.8 miles.

That's it! Anyway, it was fun. Phew.

3 weeks??

Geez, almost 3 weeks since I last posted. Clearly not much has been going on! To catch up though:

1. I managed to get 2 unpaid days to go to CA to ride in September. Am I crazy to think this is a good plan? Fly to San Francisco Friday after school, ride Saturday and Sunday, get back to SF for a red eye back to CT to teach Monday morning (with secret coverage if I am late, which I will be). Fly back to Santa Barbara Wednesday night and get to where the tour is, ride Thursday, Friday and Saturday, and fly back Sunday. It's a lot of flying, but...it's worth it, right? The silver lining is that I don't have to leave Andra for 11 days. The downsides are many, but that may make up for it all.

2. I have another aquabike race on Sunday. This one is in my hometown. No, I haven't ridden the bike course...stupid. Though a lot of it I already know, some I don't.

3. School ended yesterday!

4. Working out has been less than inspired. I'm managing 3-4 times a week, but no more. Riding once a week, swimming once a week, lifting or a class once or twice. I went back to boot camp on Saturday and managed to do most of the things, even some jumping (though I have to land flat on my foot or heel, at least it's jumping!). Some modifications necessary, but it felt like I did more than I was when I sort of quit going.

5. I miss walks. Even more than I miss running, I miss going out for walks in the neighborhood.

6. My mom was here this past week, just left this morning. The woman GETS THINGS DONE. In one week, we (mostly she, but guilt made me help her) washed ALL of the downstairs windows, inside and out; made curtains for 6 of the windows to replace the horribly ugly (and dirty) blinds that I hated yet lived with for 3.5 years) (actually, I still have to hem them and put them up...let's see how long that takes me without her here cracking the whip); trimmed tons of tree branches that had been blocking my vegetable garden and others that had made out back yard look like a jungle; weeded the cracks in the sidewalks and driveway; cleaned both bathrooms. Seriously, I don't know where she gets her drive. And yes, I did feel guilty holding the ladder while my 65 year old mom washed my windows, but there's just no talking sense into her sometimes.

7. My friend Sarita moved away...boo! But she's getting married, so it's all good.

8. Need to overhaul diet and exercise plan starting ASAP for the summer. It's a mixed blessing that my weight isn't budging from 147, which is just 1 pound over pre-pregnancy. No, of course it's not like I look the same...

Well, that's an update. More after Sunday's race!

Race Report!

The swim: I debated whether I should warm up in the water or not (remember I had no time goals here) but decided I would. The water was warm, perfect with my wetsuit (very few swam without one) and immediately I knew things were going to be...GOOD. My wave was the last one, with 40+ women and a few men who were on relay teams. But basically the fast people were long gone so no worries about being swum over. I would guess I was about halfway toward the front of my wave. A little jostling in the beginning, but I felt good. Slow, yes, and I was never out of breath/pushing hard, but that was part of the plan (this time). I just picked off the buoys, and though by the last one I was ready to be done, if I had needed to I really could have kept going! I never panicked, and kept thinking to myself, why, this is almost enjoyable! The official results aren't up yet but by my watch it was .9 miles in just under 32 minutes. I had figured about 30, so...fine. I can't wait to see how that stacks up with my age group...

T1 (Tonly): Slow. Yeah, yeah. Of course it was slow, there was a long walk (well, run for everyone else) from the beach to my bike. And after being extended for 32 minutes with no weight on it, the ankle wasn't happy to be asked to go fast (relatively speaking here). So couple that with trying to get the wetsuit over my ankle without crying, and it apparently was about 5:27. Ouch.

Bike: Not the 17+ I had hoped for, not by a long shot!! By this time, the sun was out and it was HUMID after the morning's rain. I hadn't eaten enough (always a gamble...eat enough, and risk serious GI distress...I figured I'd rather be weak than in pain), so pulled the GU out of my saddle bag and that seemed to make a big difference. This course was HILLY. I'm used to hills, but this redefined rolling hills for me. I would go from 40+ on the downhills (FUN!) to I think I hit 6.2 on one steep uphill. Of course I passed a lot of people. This was expected, given my wave and the fact that, by the time I left transition, there were very few people behind me! I am VERY curious to see others' bike times, as my average was only 15.2 yet I really couldn't have gone much faster. I definitely have a problem maintaining momentum up hills, and a few times (ok, a lot of times), I said screw it and didn't even try. The lack of competition that far back didn't help my speed, but again, I had FUN, and really that was the point today.

I waited around FOREVER for the awards. I actually thought I might have been the only aqua biker, and, well, you know what that means. They went through most of the age group awards (but missed some, including the only 60+ year old woman) but then said, oh, we're not done but we're not ready to give those out yet. UGH. So I went up and asked, and they sent me back to the timing truck, and the guy there told me I'd won. Out of 2 females. Though I did also beat the 2 males. So I went back to the stage and asked for my award, and left. No going up on stage, no fanfare (though honestly no that many people stuck around for the real awards anyway), which I guess annoyed me a little.

On the drive home, I was pissed. I'd had fun and won my division. Why was I upset? Took me a long time to figure it out (I had a long drive), but I guess I came up with the fact that this is just a consolation prize. My competition is now the fat, lazy, and crippled. And ok, I'm the fastest one. So fucking what? I'll get over it. I have no choice. But my performance, fun though it was, didn't deserve a prize. There's just no real meaning in what I won.

All the real athletes ran.