I heart Vicodin

Neck flare again. Out of nowhere. Prednisone, wine, vicodin, and mucinex...I am feeling good right now. (I didn't intentionally mix the alcohol and vicodin...)

I did the TRX class last night. It was great, but I kind of wonder if all the stress of keeping my neck up during the class did me in. This winter I flared a couple times after shoveling heavy snow. Kinda sucks if there is a connection, because lifting is the one thing I can do even when my ankle/achilles hurt. Tuesday I went to the gym to run, and didn't even make 3/4 of a mile. I didn't even have it in me to stretch. It was weird.

I do wonder if there isn't jut something going on...the GI virus still affecting me maybe, the lingering bronchitis and cough I've had for nearly 3 weeks, something...I just feel off. And unfortunately I'm not pregnant, because that would explain a lot AND be a welcome thing. As it is...I think I'm going to look back on this winter and think, Man that SUCKED. In the moment it's hard to accept an "excuse." But in hindsight, it's been a lot to go through.

Redshirting kindergartners...WTF?

I've been giving a lot of thought to where Andra will go to school for kindergarten, and when. Connecticut's cut off date is January 1, so she could go when she's 4 and 9 months, two falls from now. I teach in a rich, white, snobby district with great academics, and as a teacher, I could bring her to that district for free...there are a number of teachers who do. I live in a poorer, minority, failing-school labeled neighborhood. To my great surprise, we decided (though it took a lot of gong back and forth) to stick with our neighborhood school. (A recent party where we met a bunch of neighbors with kids around the same age, plus some who are older and in the school, totally confirmed our feelings on this. We can make up any holes in her education...we can't make up for the utter lack of cultural diversity and general reality that the other town lacks.) Then there's the issue of when...send her when she's eligible, or "red-shirt" her. Red-shirting is incredibly common in the the rich town where I teach. I've also been spending time (too much) reading blog posts and message boards about this. The basic idea is that everyone wants to give their kid an edge. But I just don't see that logic. All the time in the world isn't going to make a dumb kid smart, for one. And regardless, who the hell is your kindergartner competing against?? Sure, they will then say, oh, it's not kindergarten, it's so that when they take the SAT's they're a year older, and when they are in high school they are a year older...well, see my first point about intelligence. Do these people not realize that there are a LOT of stupid adults out there?? Age doesn't make you smarter. Then there's the fact that I teach high school. I don't care what anyone says, those kids aren't competing against each other. If they think they are, or their parents do, so be it, but the bottom line is, everyone is there to do the best they can for themselves, and no grade another student earns can detract from that.

That said, I am totally stressing that Andra won't be potty trained at school be September. That is one thing that time CAN help.

Lifted

Had time this morning to work out before school, due to the testing schedule this week. I was going to run, to get 10 miles in for the week in 4 runs (hey, that would be a great thing right now), but some of the special needs kids were on the treadmills, so I lifted instead. I need to make up some more organized routines...but I did do some new things I read in magazines, and overall had a good workout. I need to keep up the momentum now...

I had a hard 2 months, with not feeling well. Lost my motivation. How can you work out well when you feel awful, tired, drained? I didn't necessarily see that at the time...I tend to be hard on myself. But in retrospect, there wasn't a lot I could do. Now that I am more normal, I'm getting back on track. Outdoor group rides with the group I swam with last year start in 2 weeks (on my birthday no less). It will still be COLD, but I hope to get out there ASAP.

Three

Ahhh...three. Yes, there was some walking, because I want to run faster than I can. But...three miles! It's amusing to me, when I am walking now and I can do so without limping, I don't want to stop. SO different from how I felt the past two months. I wonder if the virus I had, with all the GI symptoms, also affected everything else...joints, muscles, general achiness. At any rate...it's been a great week. I love running to music and sweating again!

Two point five

This is state testing week at school, so the schedule is all weird. I didn't have to proctor today, so I didn't have to really be at school until 10. Around 8:30, I decided that I really wanted to get a run in before school...so I got Andra off to daycare, and ran 2.5 on the school treadmill. EXCELLENT. Feet didn't hurt too much, I ran at 6.1 (yesterday was 6.0), and did 25 minutes (so a bit more than 2.5 miles). I woudl have kept going, I think, except I needed to go teach. The downside to it all was that the coaches' locker room apparently doesn't have hot water. So, a super quick cold shower and a blow dry of sweaty hair...but whatever, I feel great! Makes me wish I had a job with more normal hours...if I could work out at 7 every day, I think I could do it. Oh well, maybe this summer.

The question now is, what am I going to do with the fact that I can run now (again, it's always day to day, but...so far so good), and I feel so good about doing it? The ball is in my court.

Two

Ran 2 miles just now at lunch. Lifted a little too. Ankle stiff but ended up ok, I even cranked it all the way up to an 8:00 pace for the last minute (spent most of the run at 10:00). I keep telling myself this...but I just need to get back into a routine. If I could run, or do anything, 6 days a week again, even 20 minute runs, I would feel so much better. More disciplined.

Seeing ankle doctor today, I want to get physical therapy mostly on the Achilles and have them do a gait analysis now that I actually can run. Most days at least. Part of my struggle is it's hard to plan when I don't know from day to day if running will be painful or doable. I know in my last post I said I can't run anymore...I didn't mean there aren't days I can run, but that I can't be a runner. I can't go out and do a 10 miler. I don't see anything more than a 5k, MAYBE a 10k in my future. I can't just pick up and have an easy run. Every run now (aside from it being short due to my not being in good enough shape anymore) is painful to some extent, has mental issues (will this hurt? will I be able to finish the run?), and lacks the spontaneous joy of being able to say, I'm a runner! Because I feel like a wannabe.

But still, even if I don't feel like a runner, I ran.

On not running

Turns out (after I had a fun colonoscopy and biopsies were sent to the lab) that I probably had infectious colitis. Basically, some nasty virus that stuck around for 2 months making me miserable. There was microinflammation in the samples sent, but luckily they ruled out anything serious. Plus, it seems to have resolved itself after I had a good long puking episode a week ago Friday (which happened during last period of the day, and I just told my kids to leave...then I went to the bathroom and puked). So...I am feeling better in that regard.

With the weather turning a bit more spring like, I am dying to go running. However, my last few attempts have been thwarted by...pain, what else? Between my bad ankle and what feels like the bones pinching on nerves on some steps, and my Achilles (it's really the base of my heel on the sides, I guess that's the insertion point for the Achilles?) on the other foot, I basically just can't do it. It's killing me. Even walking again. Saw a woman running as I drove to school yesterday (and today), and honestly I just teared up at how mad I am that I can't do it anymore. Nothing substitutes for running. Nothing is the same.

There's another teacher here whom I see every week or so, and maybe a month ago she was all excited to tell me that she has started P90x. She used to be a runner and very in shape, but about 5 years ago she was diagnosed with some autoimmume eye disease, and was on prednisone for a couple years and gained 15 pounds and had double vision that made her stop running. Yesterday, she was so thrilled that she had run 2 miles on the treadmill. She echoed what I've been feeling, that nothing takes its place and that it's so frustrating to realize you'll probably never get back to where you were in terms of pace, ease, distance. I don't really know what to do with it all. I'm going to try today at the end of the day to do a treadmill run. Maybe it'll go ok, maybe not. I haven't lost my passion for running, but I've lost my ability to do so. That day finally came. Maybe not for good, I hope, but. It sucks.

School

Spring break week. I've been cleaning a lot, and not working out a much as I had planned. Lifted once. Need to get back into the pool, as my ankle and Achilles are just not letting me run (so,nix on the treadmill idea). The snow isn't letting me walk with the BOB outside either. And the bike trainer...well, I've used it a few times, but...not much. We've begun the trying for #2 process, and that is another excuse to not put much effort into working out. I am still working out some, I shouldn't make it sound like I do nothing, but it's just different from the heyday of 2007. Man, I loved that year.

Andra was just "accepted" into preschool. I had a spot for her at a daycare for the fall (the home daycare she's in now only goes through age 3, and the other kids her age are starting new places this fall so it seemed the right time, even though she'll only be 2 and 9 months), by all means a nice enough place, a small center, that did preschool like things. But then we heard about a Catholic (we are NOT Catholic, I am not religious at all) school that, ummm, we can see and hear from our backyard. Turns out, it's really a daycare-preschool (to me the distinction has always been that kids of working moms go to daycare, kids of stay at home moms go to preschool a couple mornings or afternoons a week) - meaning, 7:30-5! (Not that she'd go that late with my teacher hours, but the point is, it's designed for working parents.) We went on a tour, LOVED IT, applied, and yesterday she got the "thick envelope." Best part? Compared to the daycare she would have gone to, we'll save over $500 A MONTH (yes, we live in a ridiculously high cost of living area). Not bad, considering my husband got laid off and tomorrow is his last day. But, I am ready for the toddler stage to be over and for the kid stage, complete with school, to begin. I know some people are the opposite and want their kid to be little for as long as possible, but...not me. There's a reason I teach high school, not preschool! I can't wait for Andra to be able to write, read, do math...basically, I am ready for kindergarten now. And this little school (which we can walk around the block to get to, no need to drive!) has 3s, 4s and a kindergarten, in case we love it that much. As for the Catholic part...well, the nuns who run it seem super nice and fun (not mean at all!) and really, in preschool, how much religion can there be? I think they sing religious songs and say prayers at 9:15 every morning or something...whatever. PLUS, they apparently put on a super cute Christmas pageant. And Andra gets to wear a uniform. Basically, she will be a little kid, and I am so ready! I worry a bit that she will be the youngest (she will, with a December birthday), but at the same time, even if maybe some of her skills aren't quite there, she is so social and POLITE and good at sharing and all those other things, that I think she will be very ready for the experience. I am, anyway!

She finally looks like me

I love this picture. Andra's expression is a cross between me and my mom. Plus, she was having a good hair day, with a new style that hasn't happened since!

Ah, the trainer...

I brought it up from the depths of the basement where it had been for a while, not getting used. Out of sight, out of mind. I set it all up last week, and am determined to ride at least once a week. And run once a week. And lift once. And do one or 2 classes. The workouts aren't as intense or as long as they used to be, but I need to get that frequency back up a little. I'm expecting to be pregnant in the next few months, so I really don't have any plans to race this year, so that cuts in to the motivation too. But I will start keeping a workout log again, which I used to do and LOVE going back to reread.

Anyway, after school Friday I rode that trainer before getting Andra from daycare. Just 30 minutes. BUT, when you're kind of out of shape, 30 minutes works. I sweat a ton, my legs felt like jelly when I got in the car 45 minutes later, and I felt good, like I wasn't a total slacker.

Treadmill...

I am thinking of getting a treadmill. I figure when we eventually have #2, I might need it. Not sure yet...if I got one, wouldn't be til Christmas probably. Gives me a year to think about if I'd use it enough to justify the expense. Hell, gives me time to see if we can even afford the expense. But, the past few weeks have been so busy and I am not working out. Yes, I have a trainer in the basement, but I don't like the trainer like I like running. And running seems to be back, at least enough days in small doses.

The wrong way to lose weight

Not much has been happening in the work out life. A few weeks before Christmas, Fred and Andra came down with a puking bug. While I missed that fun, I did have other GI issues that were equally unpleasant. It was on and off for a few weeks (luckily I was fine on Christmas Eve and day). I thought maybe lactose intolerance, but a few days off of dairy didn't help. My parents came for the weekend of Jan 8-9. Fred and I were to go out on Saturday night while my parents babysat, but I had a horrid RA flare...in my neck again. Couldn't move. Great fun. The next night, my stomach went nuts again. And for the past week and a half, every afternoon I have a few hours of intense pain and cramping. Fun, no? Especially with a toddler who doesn't get that I don't want to move. So I basically started eating as little as possible...a protein shake in the morning, maybe a banana, little snacks as opposed to meals. I started thinking it was a gluten thing...both celiac disease and Crohn's disease (though that's not gluten) are autoimmune, and already having two other autoimmune issues, they become more likely. Except, I was on a big dose of prednisone (30mg, then 20, then 10, then back to my usual 2.5) and it was still bad. And prednisone generally helps all that stuff. SO...I finally am going to see my doctor on Friday. Two days off of gluten and I felt good for one, then back to the crap (literally) for the second. Maybe because I had oatmeal, and apparently oats do have gluten? Anyway...my weight was 141lbs this morning (usual before this was 147). Hard not to lose weight when you feel like shit after you eat! That's a good incentive. I haven' t been eating dinner a lot lately...putting Andra to bed, and falling asleep myself. Of course, it also means no energy. I did manage to run 2 miles yesterday and lift a little (snow day, so a bit of extra time), and it felt good to be back there, but today it's only 9am and I feel so weak. Yet, I don't want to eat for fear of the cramping and pain. Sucks, you know???

TRX

I did a TRX intro class at the gym last night that my friend taught. I am waiting for the soreness to set in...it was tough! But fun to do something new. She's doing it every Thursday now, so I need to find a way to get there...I actually felt really strong doing it all.

Relative success

Andra gets it. She likes the potty, she goes, she rarely has accidents at home anymore, even when not naked. Phew! Even out, though I put a diaper on her, she often tells me she has to go. yesterday we were in the city for her FINAL appointment with her hemangioma doctor, and she told me twice she had to go! And more importantly, we made it both times. She did pee in it on the walk back to my brother's apartment (she did NOT want to ride in the stroller, despite it being well past nap time...there was no nap yesterday). But, she didn't pee on their floor or anything so I consider her pretty much trained. Daytime trained. At home. Close enough.

Blizzard = potty training time

Merry Chrsitmas, a little late. We spent the holiday with Fred's family, at his parents' on Christmas eve and at his grandparents' on Christmas day. I managed a 3.5 mile run on Christmas eve before we left, but nothing for the last 3 days. With the blizzard that kind of trapped us (we were supposed to go into NYC to see my brother, sister in law, niece and mom who is here for 2 weeks...will go Wednesday instead), I decided it was time to POTTY TRAIN and so I haven't left the house. It's going pretty well. I went with the cold turkey method...no diapers (nap and bedtime excepted). Basically she's naked from the waist down (or wearing loose pants when she lets me put them on her...she prefers naked). The first day I sat her down every 20-30 minutes. The morning was rough, after a good start (peed the first time I put her down right after she woke up). She had lots of little pees, most on the carpet. I almost gave up especially when she started protesting. Enter chocolate chips. Went much better in the afternoon, and today, mostly. Although I am exhausted from constantly watching her, trying to catch her if she started to pee off the potty. But, we did go out in the snow a few time, for 30 minutes or so, and she stayed dry. Tomorrow I do plan to take her to daycare for a bit...not sure what they will do (they might want her in diapers, so she doesn't pee on their carpet!) BUT I do think in a week or so we'll be pretty much good in terms of daytime. Not sure I'll ever be able to take her out in public again, but... :)

And again...

Another after school treadmill run. Working on getting the speed back, slowly. Two 9:15 miles, a quick break, and half an 8:00 mile. Then had to go get Andra so we could go swimming. Starting to remember how I used to like treadmill runs, plugged into the iPod, music up loud. It's coming back, I got a second chance. Fingers crossed that was it...I want to do the Mothers' Day 10k in May!

Routine

Just ran 3 miles on the treadmill at school. First time I've been down there ALL YEAR. Now that I can run again, and it feels GOOD to do so, I need my routine back. Frankly I've been so swamped at school with more students than ever and less free time thanks to our new contract, and swamped at home with cleaning and cooking (not that I do either well, which just adds to the stress), that I rarely have time in the week when I feel like I can just RELAX. When Andra's awake, she doesn't let me do my own thing...ever. Which is understandable and all, but even when my husband's home, it's ME she wants to have her attention.

Anyway, I ran, including one 9 minute mile (felt good), half an 8 minute mile, and a quarter of a 7:30 mile. I think I'll start working on my speed more on the treadmill, and try to start doing a longer run (I want my usual 5.5 mile route back!) on the weekends...once it's not in the 20s anymore.

Busy Day

Thank god for friends who aren't wimps. Today was the 3 mile race I wanted to do. Despite the forecast calling for rain (though, a relatively balmy 45 degrees), Jen said she was GOING. So of course I had to, too. We showed up with maybe 50 people and ran. Not too bad, really. I was slow, my watch said 29 minutes (9:40 pace) (update: official time 28:58, 9:39 pace), but since there was so much other stuff to complain about (rain, cold, rain, cold, etc.) my ankle didn't bother me at all! I was cautious going down hills...it looked slippery, and one wrong landing would have hurt a lot. I got passed more going downhill than up. No mile markers, but it didn't matter. Results here. Interestingly, if I had been a man, I would have been 5th in my age group!

Went back to reread my post from March 2008 after I ran my fastest paced race ever, another 3 miler at a 7:34 pace. WOW. I was over 2 min/mile slower today. I can't believe I ever worked that hard! Even then (I'd forgotten this) I was wary about my ankle and knew everything would change one day.

I came to the conclusion that I am naturally a slow runner. I got reasonably fast (for me) through a lot of hard work and being in really good shape. But I lost all that, including the mental toughness, and have to start over. Jen, who also claims to be as out of shape as I am, ran nearly 2 minutes faster than I. She is naturally faster...if she ever really trained, she'd kick my ass. I hope someday we both are in a place to really train for something together.

So, 2010 saw one running race after all. And the rain didn't stop me (though it came close). I am wearing my race t-shirt right now, with three running Santas, and feeling pretty good. A year ago I told myself I was taking December off. Then I had the worst flare ever on New Year's Eve. By February I was noticeably limping and running wasn't even a possibility. Hell, walking wasn't. But...so it goes. My rheumatologist, whom I saw Friday, said I was a "relative success story." I have aggressive RA, but...I've been lucky. I know that.

Today is also Andra's birthday. The cake was made last night after a late-night run to the store to get flour when the cake was halfway made. Gingerbread layer cake with cream cheese frosting. No real party, just one set of grandparents Fred's brother, his wife and their baby. I am just not an entertainer.

I really want to go take a nap. Andra's was short and all I had time to do was ice the cake. Surprisingly she's letting me type this up now

3 more

3 miles today at 10:00 pace, though I did walk for a minute after 2 miles and again at 2.5, but then did the last .5 at 8:40. Wore my heartrate monitor, and it wasn't a bad as it felt. Most of the time I was around 160bpm when I was working hard, but never higher than 163. For what I have programmed in, that's about 80-82% max (though I think my age is set at 30, not 35...if that makes a difference; not sure if I had to put in my max HR or if it's assumed based on age, it's been a while since I've looked at it).

Had a friend who works there look at my gait, and he said at first it looked normal, but as I went longer, he said the ankle definitely looked stiff, but that my gait wasn't horribly altered. He suggested a gait analysis to see if there's anything else I can do to make it easier. Anyone ever have one or know anything about them??

No Turkey Trot

I almost did the 5 mile turkey trot I've done the past 3 years (including at 36 week pregnant). On Tuesday I went out and did 4.5 miles. Still slow, it took me 47 minutes (there was some walking on top of my 10 minute pace). But, the ankle has proven itself. If I think it will be fine, it has been. There are days I go, "No way, not today," but in general when I do run, it is ok. The stiffness sucks, the minor gait change sucks (only once I think did I run and have it feel mostly normal), but even though it doesn't feel normal, it feels doable. At any rate, after that run, I thought maybe I'd do the race. I knew there would be tons of people behind me even if I ran an 11 minute pace, as that's what happened when I was pregnant. Still, I didn't put a ton of thought into it, it was more a passing idea to continue the "streak" especially since that was my last race. Would have been nice to pick up after a year of forced rest. But, when all was said and done, I got up at 6:45 and sat on the couch and read a book until Andra woke up at 8. And I don't regret it. Except of course, the not regretting it makes me regret it. I could have run, should I have? Eh...whatever, I still plan to do the 3 miler on December 12.

Thanksgiving went...everyone brought something and the food worked out well. Thirteen adults didn't seem like too much after all, and I didn't even really talk to most people as I was busy either cooking or playing with Andra and Iris. Fun to see the cousins together.

Slightly faster

Ran a little over 3 miles today with my friend Jen, our second Sunday run in preparation (not training, but preparation) for our 3 mile race in 3 weeks. It was GREAT. 32 minutes (my longest consecutive run in a LONG time). We ran the big hill (it's not big) we walked last week, and that was a HUGE psychological boost. Overall I think our pace was a hair under 10 minute miles, which, given the talking we were doing, I am very happy with. Yes, I used to run this route closer to an 8:00 pace. But I have to keep telling myself, it's not about that anymore. It's about the fact that I can run at all. And honestly, I may be able to up the pace to something I would consider more normal for me. What wanted to give out today wasn't my ankle, it was the rest of me. And I had no issues making myself push through that, since that's just me being out of shape. But I felt much better than my runs a few weeks ago, stronger, more normal. I'll take it.

In Andra's world...she won't say "Yes," but "k" is her new response to any question (beats "No!"). She has changed tons in the last few months. Still not a huge talked, but she gets her point across. When she wants me to come play with her, she takes my hand and says, "Pull." When she can't do something, she says "Help." When she wants to find the Pokey (the cat), she calls out, "Peepee!" Eh, close enough. She has, as she always has, a wicked sense of humor. For instance, she just put one of my Bondi bands on her duck's head, held it up, and said, "Cool!" Cool.

This is bad...

I plan to run outside after school today. I need a shorter route than I used to run due to previously mentioned out-of-shape issues. I know I have a bunch of routes saved in an online place, but I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME of the website. It's not mapmyrun.com. WHAT IS IT???? Can't believe it's been so long that I can't remember it.

Double

This week school seems to have let up a bit. I caught up on all my grading since I had to turn in first quarter grades Monday. I have the next two weeks of lessons planned out. So, that means I have more time to work out. I went to the gym today after school to run (it was cold out, I am a wimp right now about cold) and did 2 miles. Straight. At a pace of...10 minute miles. It was hard! This is way worse than a post-pregnancy comeback. Then, I ran all but about 5 weeks, including a marathon, a half, a 10k, a 5k, and a 5 miler right at the end. This time, I really have not run at all (minus a few random 10 minute attempts) in 11 months. The distance was fine. The pace though...I can't believe a 10 minute mile was so hard. It felt like what 8 minute miles used to feel like. Oh well, hopefully I'll be able to have fun watching that pace get faster.

Andra and I went to the playground briefly after I picked her up, but she apparently has learned the word "Home" and wanted to go there. The she kept using her favorite new word, "Juice," which takes a lot of effort for her to say (though the girl does practice). I went to the gym AGAIN to the core class I like to take, and when I got home at 7:45 Andra was still up. I wasn't expecting that, since I was told she played happily in her crib for 1.5 hours today instead of napping. I hope this isn't her new normal.

Also, turns out we are having 13 adults and 3 kids at our (pretty small) house for Thanksgiving. This could be...disastrous. It certainly won't be fancy. I have to make lists to ask people to bring things! It could be fun though.

Is it over?

Ran 2 days in a row. There was no bootcamp yesterday morning, so I went to the gym just to work out on my own. Ran a mile, lifted, ran another mile. Hmmm. Felt...pretty fine. So I tried again today after I put Andra down for a nap. Just my new "usual," a 2.5 mile loop from home. Ankle felt...pretty fine. I think I turned a corner, physically and mentally.

My goal is going to be to try to run twice a week. I am seriously out of shape, and the slow running I did was kind of pathetic, but that just means I will see improvement if I keep at it. Mentally, just telling myself to do a 20-30 minute run seems like nothing. Short runs used to be double that. So I should be able to fit them in easily, right after school once or twice a week.

Eleven months of not running. And now, just maybe, that is over.

My Sunflower

I did make the costume (including the flower crown for Duck-Duck). The sweater and pants were just her regular clothes, but I added all the colorful stuff! So much fun.

Fall run

Ran today outside. Walk 2 min, run 8, total 30 min. Totally overdressed, I feel like a novice at figuring out the weather for running! Ankle felt good...not normal, it hurt, but it was runnable without a real limp. Not sure if this will continue, but I think I've had enough of these posts that I need to start assuming that I can run at least once a week. There's no danger of my really running for now, in that I found out I'm pretty out of shape! But the act felt good, the soreness will feel good tomorrow. Hopefully the RA went in, did its thing, and is out now...though I'm left with the results, still, it's not as bad as when it was actively in there 9 months ago. I do wonder if, when I get pregnant again, hopefully next year, it will go away like it did last time. Again, I know I am left with the damage to the bones, but that I can deal with...people run with all kinds of osteoarthritis, which, once the RA isn't active there anymore, is basically what I'm left with. I also think my new Brooks running shoes (the same kind I always have work, though lately I've been wearing some Asics I bought even though I know Asics don't fit me well...figured they'd be ok for non-running things, but they're still not for me) helped. My orthotics I am still not convinced about (my drugstore Dr. Scholl's arch supports do as much if not more for the pain). At any rate...think my hiatus is over. Now I need to carve out one run a week. Added to the 2 classes I take (Saturday boot camp and Tuesday core), that will have to do for now, as tutoring has taken over a lot of my "me" time...but it's ok as the relief from money worries makes up for it. Fitness will come back...

About the costume, yes, I made it! Lots of felt. Sewn to a purchased headband and a hand-me-down sweater. We went to a halloween party tonight at the YMCA and I think Andra had the best costume. I am not a fan of store-bought...though it I weren't a tiny bit crafty I wouldn't be able to think that way. Pictures soon, it was too dark at the party to get good ones.

Sunflower costume...

Ready to go! Hoping it survives the pictures at daycare tomorrow plus a party before the big day!

Change is good

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. ***Anais Nin

This quote is on one of my friend's Facebook profile. I like it.

Fall Pictures

Downshifting

Working out is taking a back seat to tutoring this year. No secret that the drive to workout has dropped a lot now that I can't run. I know I *could* work harder at other things, and I tried...with the masters swim last winter, with the aqua-bike races I did, with the CCC bike trip...I tried. And, I had fun. But the DRIVE to GO GO GO just was never replicated. Some of it is probably for the best, in that my focus can't just be on me now that I have a kid. But I also know that's a bit of a cop out, as so many others still do it all, and still love it. Not being able to run means that I have no way to gauge my fitness, nor do I have a need to do so. There's no test...no upcoming 5k, no half-marathon to train for, nothing to prove to myself. I WISH I could. I wish there were local bike races every weekend like there are local road races. I wish there had been local open water swim races. But it seems that, as popular as triathlons are, cycling and swimming events by themselves just aren't. It kind of sucks. And actually, there is a local criterium series (about an hour away, so not so local) in the summer, but...an hour away, with all the hassle of the bike...and a kid...it just wasn't happening. Argh. I sort of sound like I am making excuses, and maybe I am, although I know the bottom line is, for WHATEVER reason, fitness isn't as important right now. I don't like it. And don't get me wrong, I am not getting any fatter and I haven't become a couch potato. I am happy. But I am also scared that I might lose that part of me. Volunteering at road races this summer was important to me, since I couldn't run them. I want to still be associated with the athletic lifestyle, even if I don't live and breathe it any more. Eh...I don't know. And hopefully next summer I will be pregnant again, so I won't be doing any triathlons (except maybe the swim part of a relay?).

Ok, this post started off about tutoring. My point was, instead of working out, I am now working 10 extra hours a week. It's killer money...I am matching my take-home pay every month, or will be if the 10 kids I agreed to work with all need me once a week (ha ha, or perceive that they do...I still don't get the mentality, but it's a wealthy community and I think it's a status thing to have a tutor sometimes rather than asking your teacher for free help). But that was my work-out time, and now that's largely not there anymore. And I'm ok with it. Especially because we have 2 new cars in our near future (my 1999 Subaru, which I love, probably will need to go in a year or so, and Fred's 2003 VW has 200,000 miles on it since his commute is so long), a second kid in the future, the equity in our house has dwindled to practically nothing due to the market, and things like that stress me out. I figure if I do all this tutoring this year, then I can relax next school year, have a baby, and...then stress out again about money the year after that!

Ride Over!

Well, it all worked out. I flew to San Francisco last Friday, in time for most of the opening dinner. Our bikes were there, and, minus a bent derailleur hanger (I have no idea what that is, but the mechanics fixed it so it didn't matter), everything was perfect. We rode out Saturday morning and did 86 miles to Santa Cruz. It was GREAT. I felt GREAT. Super strong.
Then I had to leave the next morning, but it was ok. That morning I also met Jeff, one of the founders of Amgen, and heard the story of how he was pretty much responsible for getting the manufacturing of Enbrel down. (When I first wanted to go on it, there was a waiting list months long because Immunex, who developed the drug, had manufacturing issues with a protein breaking down. Jeff knew how to fix it, and Amgen bought out Immunex and within a year there was no more waiting list. Yes, he was a bit self-inflating, but at the same time, I think he wasn't...and besides, he raised over $3000 the first day riding, including $600 at a nude beach, and that is on top of the $50,000 or so he raised before the ride even started.)

My bike went on without me, looking very official on top of the Amgen team car. At least one of us did the whole distance.
I spent Sunday morning with my friend Sarita and her new husband Andrew who just moved out to Sunnyvale from CT. They got me back to the airport, I flew home, got to sleep around 2am, had to get up at 6 for work, then tutor for 2 hours that night (I didn't even get to put Andra to bed)...it was CRAZY. But, I got it done, and then went BACK to CA Wednesday. Rode 3 more days, 67 miles, 88 miles, and 60 miles. I'd never had saddle sores before Thursday. OUCH. Made Friday and Saturday considerably less comfortable, but still loads of fun. We had some long stretches of relatively FLAT road on the last day into Santa Monica, and I just went. It was amazing, windy, a bit rainy at times, just perfect. And the days I missed happened to be the hottest (in the 9os+) and hilliest (and yes, the most beautiful, but I'm trying not to remember that).

It was neat to see a bunch of other riders with arthritis. Some had RA, others had other forms, but we were all athletes who don't let it stop us, and that was neat to see.

Another run...I'll take what I can get.

Gorgeous day today, so I took Andra to one of the neighboring beaches we can only get into off season. I parked about a mile from the beach so I could get an iced coffee from the cute market in town. Put Andi in the BOB and off we went. My ankle felt ok (instead of my custom $$ orthotics, I had in good old Dr. Scholl's inserts I bought while pregnant...I think I had another post a while ago that these actually seemed to do more than the orthotics, but they've been hidden in my slippers all summer and so I haven't worn them in a while). I figured I'd run a few steps and see. Hmmm. Not bad, except that my iced coffee was sloshing all over the place. (If I'd planned to run, I wouldn't have bought that as a pre-workout drink!) Still, small price to pay if I can actually manage to run...and I could! It was 10 minutes to the beach, and later 10 back. It was slow, but honestly not much slower than normal BOB runs for me (oh, how long ago that all seems...). It felt good...not pain free, but I don't think I had too much of a limp, and running actually feels better than walking when I can do it. I'm not sure I can necessarily plan runs...some days I know it will just hurt too much. But, maybe I can plan more walks that COULD be runs if it feels good. It would be nice to be able to do that again. Working out has taken a backseat to everything lately. Work is a bit stressful, I am tutoring 5 or 6 hours a week as opposed to the 2 last year (we need the $$ badly, especially with this CA bike trip), and the not being able to just go run makes working out much more of a time commitment.

I hope I am sore tomorrow. I miss that.

OK, OK....

I guess I'm not posting much because I'm not working out much. I used to love posting about my runs, how I did, what I felt like. But now that I'm not running, not so much to say. Not so exciting to tell about the set I did in the weight room. I haven't completely given up, I still work out probably 4 days a week (swimming, cycling, a class at the gym or lifting) but with no plan or pattern. I'm ok with it for the most part, recognizing it just as a low point in the cycle. Except for the fact that I have this epic bike ride (well, half an epic bike ride) coming up, it wouldn't matter so much. As it is, I will not be in nearly as good of shape as I wanted to be. Still, I keep reminding myself that this is not a race, it's a tour with apparently LOTS of stops along the way for coffee, pictures, lunch, etc. My ass is going to hurt, but I can deal. The most I have to ride is 3 consecutive days. And we met our fundraising minimum too, which is nice.

Andra and I have been making the rounds at the local playgrounds every afternoon to satisfy her never ending request for "Slide?" (which actually means "swings." Can't convince her to say that one, even though it's what she means.) It's been fun. Good weather. I get a coffee and stand and push her 30 minutes in the swing (God forbid another kid wants a turn), convince her to go to the REAL slide for a while, and take one more turn in the swings before calling it a day. Not bad. I also got her a water table for the deck, a little late in the season but it was $5 on Craigslist. She loves to splash and pour.

End of summer

This blog has started to become what my journal has...infrequent entries that read more like bullet points of things I don't want to forget. Oh well.

Working out...with vacations and heat waves, this didn't go as planned this summer, especially the last 2 weeks. Last workout was a 22 minute swim in Lake Huron 2 weeks ago. It was fun though! With this being the last week of summer vacation, my motivation is low. As always, I wish I could run. Biking alone just doesn't appeal, though I do enjoy it when I am out there. I haven't come to terms with not running yet. I did have that barefoot episode, but haven't done more. I haven't accepted that I will almost certainly never run distances again, and definitely never at my real speed. The appointment with the ankle guy in the city yesterday confirmed that. Surgery would alleviate the pain, but probably wouldn't cure my limp. So. The best I can hope for is that time will damage the joint more so that it hurts less (weird, yes) and that mentally I can be ok with going for a short run/limp and not having it count as a workout. But when I drive along my old running routes, I miss it. I guess more than that I miss who I was then. I miss the discipline, determination, focus. Life changes, that's fine, but...I guess it's like how I wish I could go back to college again. Can't. Done. That's over. But, I still miss it.

Plan to post pictures soon...we were just in Michigan for a week with my brother, niece, and parents. Then Andra and I took the train to Chicago (4.5 hours) for an overnight with my friend Jessica and her kids. That was a blast...another nostalgia though. Jessica was my first mom friend here in CT, and then she moved back to Chicago just a year later (this past March). Major bummer. Especially since our kids actually sort of PLAYED together. Her daughter has some of her husband's antisocial qualities and tends to not like other kids. Or at least that's what Jessica says...the woman tells FUNNY stories about her family. I miss that honesty!!! Plus it makes me like her kid...right now, I pretty much don't like other people's kids. Ever. (Yes, I am a teacher.)

Team Vlad

Me with the 2 16-year olds on the team. Vlad is in the middle, he averaged 19mph on the bike. Jan is the runner (and he ran barefoot!) and he did the 5k in about 20 minutes. 1:32:30 I think, 10/20 for the relays and around 172/610 overall. They didn't keep splits for anyone, just a final time minus your wave start, so the relays were thrown in with the individual results. Despite what the race officials were calling a "healthy" half-mile swim (first swimmer finished in 13 minutes on my watch, so my 22 minutes wasn't as bad as it sounds), it was good! I hit the first 2 buoys head on, but never saw the third (I was sighting the beach then). No sense of panic or drowning!

These are Vlad's parents, Gabriel finished in around 1:22 and Olympia took pictures!

I ran!

I decided I had to try running. It has been 6 months, with the last, kind of pathetic attempt, sometime in January. Yesterday I took off my shoes and ran barefoot at the playground with Andra. Today I went to the gym, and did a barefoot 15 minutes (ummm, that was just a little over a mile). Speed can't happen...not that I've lost that much fitness, but I have to change my gait, and at least now, there's no way I'm going to go fast. The thing is? Didn't matter. I had my iPod, and I FELT like I was flying! I tried to run again with shoes on after that 15 minutes, and it wasn't as good. Neither way was "normal," exactly. I can't roll from my heel to push off with my big toe, which is normal (for me at least). I was running slightly more on the outside of my left foot, and I'm sure my hips were moving more than normal to compensate. With shoes, I wasn't able to land as much on the outside of my foot, which is why I preferred barefoot. That, and I had fewer expectations while barefoot.

It was fun. I am still a runner. I got all nostalgic and excited getting on the treadmill. It was kind of emotional. That's why I like running. Nothing else lets me think things through like a good run. (And slow as it was, this counted as a good run.)

My only concern is that, if I can do this once or twice a week because I enjoy it, it can't replace a real workout. I tried to take my heart rate at the end, and I think it was in the 130s. Between the 15 minutes of running and the 15 minutes of rolling out my hip flexor on the foam roller to try to avoid any issues from my gimp, it's a long process for little physical benefit. But, the mental benefits may be more important right now.

Relay!

Sunday I am doing the swim part of a sprint tri in Greenwich. A high school kid who comes to the Y with his parents (they are all super nice, parents are from...shoot, some eastern European country) has done the relay for the past couple years and wanted to again, so his dad asked if I wanted to swim. It should be fun!!!

Vacation #1

And the heat continues...which has made me really just not into doing anything outside. And since I don't run or walk anyway anymore, that just left cycling to get the axe. So I've been a bit of a slacker, though I have kept up the swimming, water running, and lifting, and spinning.

This past week, we were at Lake George, at the Silver Bay YMCA. Fred's sort of a Quaker, and they have their yearly retreat type thing up there every year. I was skeptical last year, not being AT ALL religious, but it was fun and I didn't really encounter any religion. You had to know where to go to get it, and I didn't, which suited me fine! We had a blast. Andra in particular would have preferred if we never left. We were outside all day (and it wasn't 90 degrees and humid!), we went swimming and canoeing, and best of all, she could just walk around and say hi to people who would say hi back. (Home now, we went to the grocery store this morning, and it was a little depressing, as Andra kept waving at everyone and very few people responded...not the friendliest of areas, alas.) She was known as the girl with the orange crocs (or, in her words, "shoos"). Fred and I went for a 25 mile bike ride one day, I lifted once, and two days I swam laps in the lap lanes they put out in the lake (I'm guessing they were around 75 yards...anyway between 50-100). It was kind of a good mix between open water swimming and pool swimming! Also, a friend of Fred's was there, someone he hadn't seen in years, with his wife and 19 month old son. We had a lot of fun with them.

Heat wave

We've been at the pool every afternoon this week. No central air = kinda hot. Actually it's not terrible, we have AC units upstairs and if I keep all the windows and blinds closed and point a fan downstairs, it's pleasant enough until about 2pm. And since I take Andra to daycare before noon so I can go to the gym to swim or lift, it's all good. Our next door neighbor has AC and I hung out there yesterday morning since her house was empty (I was invited!), and I actually had to leave and go home because I was TOO cold! She calls her house the meat locker, and it really is!

Andra likes the crocs I got her today. I've had trouble finding sandals that fit her feet...size 4.5 wide. But these were awesome, and she LOVES them.

I didn't win!!

This was a great race! I think I feel so good about it because I came in 5/6 in the aquabike division...meaning there was good competition! Including someone I swam with in the master's class. Not sure why she didn't run, I think she just isn't much of a runner. But she was the fastest swimmer in the group (male or female) so I knew she at least would be tough to beat (I didn't know much about her cycling other than I was faster, but didn't know if it would be enough to offset the swim). She ended up beating me by 2 minutes and 13 seconds! The 5 minutes faster she swam* wasn't enough for the 3 minutes I beat her on the bike. That, plus there were 3 other faster (and one slower, though not by much) women aquabikers.

*The swim...can you call it a swim if you have to RUN to the first buoy (and partway to the second)? Can you say LOW TIDE? Ouch. If my ankle wasn't enough to make me unhappy that the swim included a run, the oyster shells on the slimy, muddy bottom of Long Island Sound was. So, I was at a bit of a disadvantage there, but...who cares. After I could actually swim, it wasn't bad. Took a while to get used to the nasty salt water (and sulfur smell that accompanies low tide around here) but the temperature was perfect (71F), there was a lot of room to spread out, and even if I am not fast, I am steady. Felt good. 30:51.

T1. 4:18. Of course it includes the long walk to my bike that everyone else can run, and my wetsuit came off easier than last time, so...whatever.

Bike. Let's start with the flat tire I got while pumping up my tires at 5am. Luckily, still at home. Got my husband out of bed to change it for me...it was the rear tire, plus it's been 2 years since I've changed one. Despite his broken collar bone (crash 3 weeks ago), he was still way faster than I ever would have been. So with everything good bike wise, I went out to have FUN. I decided that swimming was survival, biking was fun, and running (when I did it) was WORK. So, I can't work anymore...better that than not being able to have FUN! It was a tough course, though not as tough as the one a few weeks ago. I did manage to slow down to a whopping 4.2mph on one steep hill that WOULD NOT END. I still passed 2 people at that speed...go figure! And there were a lot of false flats...like, I would be dying and going so slowly, then it would turn into an actual hill and I would speed up and feel better. 17.5 average speed for the 24.8 miles.

That's it! Anyway, it was fun. Phew.

3 weeks??

Geez, almost 3 weeks since I last posted. Clearly not much has been going on! To catch up though:

1. I managed to get 2 unpaid days to go to CA to ride in September. Am I crazy to think this is a good plan? Fly to San Francisco Friday after school, ride Saturday and Sunday, get back to SF for a red eye back to CT to teach Monday morning (with secret coverage if I am late, which I will be). Fly back to Santa Barbara Wednesday night and get to where the tour is, ride Thursday, Friday and Saturday, and fly back Sunday. It's a lot of flying, but...it's worth it, right? The silver lining is that I don't have to leave Andra for 11 days. The downsides are many, but that may make up for it all.

2. I have another aquabike race on Sunday. This one is in my hometown. No, I haven't ridden the bike course...stupid. Though a lot of it I already know, some I don't.

3. School ended yesterday!

4. Working out has been less than inspired. I'm managing 3-4 times a week, but no more. Riding once a week, swimming once a week, lifting or a class once or twice. I went back to boot camp on Saturday and managed to do most of the things, even some jumping (though I have to land flat on my foot or heel, at least it's jumping!). Some modifications necessary, but it felt like I did more than I was when I sort of quit going.

5. I miss walks. Even more than I miss running, I miss going out for walks in the neighborhood.

6. My mom was here this past week, just left this morning. The woman GETS THINGS DONE. In one week, we (mostly she, but guilt made me help her) washed ALL of the downstairs windows, inside and out; made curtains for 6 of the windows to replace the horribly ugly (and dirty) blinds that I hated yet lived with for 3.5 years) (actually, I still have to hem them and put them up...let's see how long that takes me without her here cracking the whip); trimmed tons of tree branches that had been blocking my vegetable garden and others that had made out back yard look like a jungle; weeded the cracks in the sidewalks and driveway; cleaned both bathrooms. Seriously, I don't know where she gets her drive. And yes, I did feel guilty holding the ladder while my 65 year old mom washed my windows, but there's just no talking sense into her sometimes.

7. My friend Sarita moved away...boo! But she's getting married, so it's all good.

8. Need to overhaul diet and exercise plan starting ASAP for the summer. It's a mixed blessing that my weight isn't budging from 147, which is just 1 pound over pre-pregnancy. No, of course it's not like I look the same...

Well, that's an update. More after Sunday's race!

Race Report!

The swim: I debated whether I should warm up in the water or not (remember I had no time goals here) but decided I would. The water was warm, perfect with my wetsuit (very few swam without one) and immediately I knew things were going to be...GOOD. My wave was the last one, with 40+ women and a few men who were on relay teams. But basically the fast people were long gone so no worries about being swum over. I would guess I was about halfway toward the front of my wave. A little jostling in the beginning, but I felt good. Slow, yes, and I was never out of breath/pushing hard, but that was part of the plan (this time). I just picked off the buoys, and though by the last one I was ready to be done, if I had needed to I really could have kept going! I never panicked, and kept thinking to myself, why, this is almost enjoyable! The official results aren't up yet but by my watch it was .9 miles in just under 32 minutes. I had figured about 30, so...fine. I can't wait to see how that stacks up with my age group...

T1 (Tonly): Slow. Yeah, yeah. Of course it was slow, there was a long walk (well, run for everyone else) from the beach to my bike. And after being extended for 32 minutes with no weight on it, the ankle wasn't happy to be asked to go fast (relatively speaking here). So couple that with trying to get the wetsuit over my ankle without crying, and it apparently was about 5:27. Ouch.

Bike: Not the 17+ I had hoped for, not by a long shot!! By this time, the sun was out and it was HUMID after the morning's rain. I hadn't eaten enough (always a gamble...eat enough, and risk serious GI distress...I figured I'd rather be weak than in pain), so pulled the GU out of my saddle bag and that seemed to make a big difference. This course was HILLY. I'm used to hills, but this redefined rolling hills for me. I would go from 40+ on the downhills (FUN!) to I think I hit 6.2 on one steep uphill. Of course I passed a lot of people. This was expected, given my wave and the fact that, by the time I left transition, there were very few people behind me! I am VERY curious to see others' bike times, as my average was only 15.2 yet I really couldn't have gone much faster. I definitely have a problem maintaining momentum up hills, and a few times (ok, a lot of times), I said screw it and didn't even try. The lack of competition that far back didn't help my speed, but again, I had FUN, and really that was the point today.

I waited around FOREVER for the awards. I actually thought I might have been the only aqua biker, and, well, you know what that means. They went through most of the age group awards (but missed some, including the only 60+ year old woman) but then said, oh, we're not done but we're not ready to give those out yet. UGH. So I went up and asked, and they sent me back to the timing truck, and the guy there told me I'd won. Out of 2 females. Though I did also beat the 2 males. So I went back to the stage and asked for my award, and left. No going up on stage, no fanfare (though honestly no that many people stuck around for the real awards anyway), which I guess annoyed me a little.

On the drive home, I was pissed. I'd had fun and won my division. Why was I upset? Took me a long time to figure it out (I had a long drive), but I guess I came up with the fact that this is just a consolation prize. My competition is now the fat, lazy, and crippled. And ok, I'm the fastest one. So fucking what? I'll get over it. I have no choice. But my performance, fun though it was, didn't deserve a prize. There's just no real meaning in what I won.

All the real athletes ran.

Aquabike #1Tomorrow

I have my first race of the season tomorrow...Olympic distance aquabike. I will probably feel like a schmuck when I finish the bike and see everyone else keep going, but, not exactly a choice, so instead I get to go to the finish line and cheer! I went up to Quassy today to get my packet and drop off my bike. It's about an hour away, so I need to get up at 4:30 tomorrow. Great. Last night I had two (TWO) separate dreams about missing the start and forgetting really important stuff (like wetsuit and bike shoes). Hopefully that's out of my system so I'll sleep tonight.

Goals? Eh...not really. I really have no basis for judging the swim (though there were something like 12 bouys on the lake today...confusing), so my only goal is to NOT PANIC and feel comfortable. My last triathlon (2007 I think?) was basically panicking the entire half-mile and wishing I were close enough to shore to quit the whole damn thing. So anything would be an improvement. And, the aquabike wave goes last (with the older women wave) so I don't have to worry about being swum over. Nice. Bike goals would be to average 17+, since pretty much every ride I've done lately, regardless of course of distance, has been about 16. I don't know anything about this course, but at the same time, I don't have to run afterward, so I would like to end it feeling cooked. We'll see!!

Just Waiting

Waiting for the results from my ankle MRI yesterday. (UPDATE: Initial report looks like just RA, not osteonecrosis, which is a good thing...sort of. It still sucks.)
Waiting to make an appointment with the guy from HSS. (August 17...wow, that's a long wait.)
Waiting to find out what the f*ck is wrong and whether surgery can fix it so I can walk normally again. And run...? Ever?
Waiting to make an appointment with my superintendent to see if he will let me do the CCC bike ride (don't want to do this until I know if I have to have surgery, which would likely mean the ride would be out anyway so why bother. But since my HSS appointment is now not til August, I guess I won't have to worry about surgery before the ride.).
Waiting for the school year to end. I finally reached the end of my rope with it all, maybe a little later than usual but basically right on schedule.

May sucks.

Pictures

Bought her this toy stroller at a tag sale. Super cute to watch her push it around for the first day. Then she decided she wanted to RIDE, not push. The toy is now hidden.

My kid loves to put a hat or bag over her head and walk around blind. She did this when she was crawling too. Can't get enough of it. Weirdo.


These two just cuz they're cute.

We spent the morning at the beach today (a nearby beach for rich people who can afford to live in that zip code...we've been scoping those beaches out because after Memorial Day, we can't get it). Andra loved sitting in the rocks and shells. She tried throwing rocks in the water, but most ended up just dropped at her feet. Of course, I didn't have my camera or my phone. But it sure was a pretty day!

Osteonecrosis

My latest search term in Google.

Saw my rheumatologist today. He wants me to get a bone scan and/or an MRI to find out if my ankle issue is osteonecrosis, not just regular RA damage. Basically, the blood supply may be being cut off to my talus bone as a result of the RA damage, effectively killing the bone. Reading the symptoms (though it's not too common in this bone, more common in the hip), it could be. Because, except for the neck, I have had no other joints flare, and RA is usually much more whole-body. The scan/MRI, if read by someone who knows my history and can compare to my history of x-rays, should offer a definitive answer. He wouldn't really speculate, which was annoying but at the same time appreciated. Assuming my insurance will cover it, I will go to the Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC for these tests. It's nice to live so close to some of the best medical facilities in the world.

I asked for more pain medication, he prescribed Voltaren (which apparently has caused a huge decline in the vulture populations of India...love Wikipedia). This will be the first time in 11 years with this disease I have ever used prescription pain relief. He offered me a narcotic pain reliever...he says if I'm complaining of any pain, it must be bad because he still insists that I have a super high pain tolerance. Hopefully Voltaren will help. It doesn't hurt when I limp (the new walk), but I'd really like to STOP limping because EVERY SINGLE DAY at school at least one teacher I haven't seen in a while asks why I'm limping. "Eh, just an ankle issue," is my standard response. Annoying, though of course they mean well.

Been slacking off in the workout department, partly for lack of time (meetings, doctor appointments, husband now also working out and therefore cutting into my time somewhat, though it's good that he is stepping it up) but more lack of planning. Soon...only 4 more weeks of serious school. Although I do have 2 aqua-bikes (though I still call them triathlons) I'm doing in June, so I probably shouldn't slack off too much.

Still working on the appeal. Blah. I guess I'm in no hurry to get the whole thing denied once and for all. I have two chances...the superintendent, and then if that doesn't work I can possibly file a grievance through the union to try to force the district to let me take the days without pay. Don't really know what any of that means yet.

Making a silver lining...

Next week I will talk to the union rep to see what my options are to appeal. Then I will appeal, and then wait. I figure I have a 5% chance of getting all 5 days off, and a 10% chance of getting 3-4 days. That's a 90% chance of being screwed. So I am preparing to make my silver lining. It will not be nearly as awesome as going to California to ride with 300 other people to raise awareness for the disease that is eating away at my joints...in fact, it could quite suck...but, it will be the best I can do and it will be better than doing nothing.

I am going to ride the distances myself, after school, as if I WERE in California. The longest weekday distance is 65 miles. My parents can still come out to watch Andra (and to be back-up support for the rides). I am sure I can drum up people to ride with me. I can get publicity for all this (positive publicity...hopefully the urge to say terrible things about the actually really good district I work in will pass...). Maybe I can get the Connecticut chapter of the Arthritis Foundation to organize their own Connecticut Coast Classic (in the summer, of course). I might be a crappy teacher for a week as I'll be awfully tired, but honestly, I wouldn't really care.

So that's Plan B. I hope I don't need it, but I am prepared to go gung-ho after it if I need to.

Workouts fell short this week, though Tuesday I did the core class and 45 minutes of upper body lifting after, and Wednesday I swam 1800. Weather has been perfect for running or walking. Yeah. We've been going to playground, and to a school track meet. Gotta say, I loved cheering for the slower girls, it's more inspiring even than cheering for the girl who can run a 5:07 mile (and trains with the boys' team...because she can run a 5:07 mile).

No bike ride for me Sunday as I am volunteering at the Mother's Day 10k I have run the past 4 years. Gotta keep the streak up somehow.

Really?

My request for time off for the ride in September was denied. I really hadn't thought this was a possibility until 3 weeks ago when I asked the union rep for advice. I mean, we get 3 "personal" days a year (although I knew I probably wouldn't be allowed to use them...I had to take an unpaid day to run my last marathon in 2008...to call them personal days is quite a misnomer). I expected I would have to take the days unpaid, but I didn't really get that they could completely deny them. The principal said he would support it before I requested the time. So when my favorite HR guy stopped into my room after school Friday, I knew it was bad news. I was, I think, very professional in my pissed-offedness, I thanked him and just let him know that I would have to speak with the union to see if I had any other options. He proceeded to tell me that he has arthritis in his back, so he knew how I felt.

Yeah. Anyone reading with RA, you don't need me to tell you how that made me feel. Those of you who don't have it, understand that osteoarthritis (what we all usually think of when we hear "arthritis") and rheumatoid arthritis are nothing alike. I don't even want to bother to try to explain, so I won't. But at this point I couldn't get the guy out of my classroom fast enough.

Bottom line is, I have no idea if I will be able to convince anyone (my only hope is the superintendent, and possibly the Board of Ed) that I deserve this. Apparently, through our contract, the HR guy probably does have the right to deny it. So I can ask for special consideration (which they will grant in some situations, but usually it's for deaths or serious illnesses...and...I don't know that I can convey how important this is knowing that they probably just won't care), but I don't know what my chances are.

Two days later I am less emotional about it, but still pissed. I may be able to get them to give me one or 2 days, and maybe ride for 3 or 4 of the 8 days. I may be able to do the ride another year (without having to do all the fundraising again), though for many reasons I feel like if it's not this year, it just won't happen. Fred will definitely still be going, so at least I don't have to tell everyone who donated that the whole thing is off...just my part.

9:16

First 500 in the YMCA pool: 10:35 back in February.
Second 500: 9:48 April 16.
Third 500: 9:16, today.

This time I decided to push the last 200 yards, but even the first 300 were faster. I am pleased! But I can get under 9:00. I am still really only swimming once a week.

I also did 2 fast (for me, come on) 100s, 1:32 and 1:33. Thought I wouldn't make the second one. Total workout was only 1600, but for me it was way more intense than normal so that seemed just fine. I have no intentions of swimming more than a mile in any races this year so no need to do 3000 yd workouts - which I considered doing, as the Masters group I swam with this winter is now doing 3200+ workouts. Ha, I am glad I didn't do the second session!!!

Recap: Worked out 6 days straight last week including a solo 32 mile bike ride, but then blew off the entire weekend. It was RELAXING and I loved hanging out with Andra.

Swim recap

Swim workout yesterday...pool now is open MWF until 3:30 so that means it's much easier to fit in 1-2 swim workouts a week. Recapping what I did today for my future reference...Warm up 100, 100 pull. Then I decided to swim 1000. Not fast, just to do it because I have never done that continuously. It was fine, 10:15 for the first 500 and 10:03 for the second, so I guess I did negative splits! Then I did 4 50s. First was :47, second :46, third :43 and last :41. Sprints are FUN. And I guess I need to do them more to improve my speed in the longer distances. Weird how training plans for all sports basically follow the same principles...

Today after school our faculty meeting was JUST canceled (not that I was planning to go) so 2 other teachers are meeting down by the beach for a ride. I have last period free, so I am going to go home, ride the 8 miles to meet them, do a 16 mile loop, and ride home. It's a gorgeous day out.

School gym

This is where I work out when I don't have much time. Today, for instance. Planned to swim right after school, but a girl I tutored last year begged to see me after school. Since 1 hour of tutoring = 2 days of daycare, hard to turn down. Luckily, I had left workout clothes at school, and snuck down to lift during my lunch block. The fitness center is huge, though the equipment is pretty old and geared toward meathead football players (who leave 100 pound weights on the machines). Still, good enough.

I almost signed up for the local aquabike, as I haven't heard back from the relay woman and my sense is I'm not going to. But I couldn't click after I entered in all my credit card info. The thought of swimming in Long Island Sound in June just freaked me out. I will sign up...but I need to psych myself up for it.

Relay team?

A guy on the ride today asked if I was interested in doing the bike leg of a local olympic distance triathlon as part of his wife's team. I said sure, then later realized they do actually have an aqua-bike division (last year, 6 whole people did it! I could win!). But, I'd rather do the relay, I think it would be more fun to be part of a team. I called her, but she had kids yelling in the background and will call me back.

Today's ride was, in a word, CCCCOLD. My thermometer at home said 43 degrees. I dressed more warmly than last week (I think it was also in the 40s then, maybe 46) but was shivering badly right before we left. I was actually thankful for the giant hills on the route (hills I normally avoid at all costs) as they were the only thing that got blood flowing into my fingertips. We did 32 miles, not exactly fast (15.something) but only 6 of us kept even that pace. Seriously, it was one hill after another for the first 14 miles, then a little more downhill mixed in for the second half. 25 riders showed up (there's a big push to get new riders, so most of those people were in the 18- or 22-mile group), and one other woman sort of stayed with our group, but not really. She had a really nice tri bike, yet...she couldn't keep up. I find it weird that people will spend so much money on really nice bikes even though, umm, they don't really need them. Maybe I am just jealous though. Anyway, I hope they don't make the rides much longer...2 hours is enough. But I do hope someone starts to push the pace. It's nice to have a social ride, but, I wouldn't mind getting my ass kicked, too.

9:48

Swam today after school since the pool was open. Did 2000 yards, including 2 timed 500s, just to see. First one was 9:48, vs. 10:35 back in February, so 47 seconds faster. The second one was 10:03 I think, I didn't pay much attention at the very end as I knew it wasn't better.

How come the very first 50 I swim feels incredibly smooth, effortless, and fast, but that feeling doesn't last??? I mean, it makes sense that my form would suffer when I am tired, but pretty early on I start to feel slightly awkward.

Jack, one of the lifeguards (I think that's his name, I am terrible remembering names) that I say hi to, came in almost at the end of my set and said my form looked good, but he had 2 suggestions for me. One, my right arm was entering the water when it was already fully extended so I was apparently missing out on some of the glide, and two, my fingers are spread way apart and so I am losing power. I swam another hundred thinking about what he said, and I can see that making a difference once I can make the changes without thinking about them. As it was, everything else fell apart when I focused on keeping my fingers together.

Almost worked out every day this week...but when Wednesday night came around, I didn't make it to the pool. Andra and I got to a playground every day this week though, which was awesome. I figure if I make my workout a priority, it's only fair that hers is, too. Some days they go outside at daycare, but it's been a bit chilly in the mornings so afternoons with me have been her only outside time.

Sunday's ride supposedly is drawing 20 riders (mostly newbies probably) and we're doing 32 miles. If, that it, the weather holds. I could do cold, or rain, but not cold rain.

Sunday ride

Eight of us went in the faster group today, which ended up being perfect. Definitely a bit of a push, and a hilly course (there really isn't anything else in Connecticut/NY except rolling hills), but totally doable and a much better workout that I would get alone. We rode 27 miles, 1:36 at 16.6mph average. That one mph difference makes...a difference. I guess like running, at one point a 9:00 pace would have been easy for me, but an 8:00 pace would be doable but tough. Anyway, one guy today got dropped after the first climb (which I had just done Wednesday in our 88 degree weather...at the end of my ride...much easier in 50 degrees and at the beginning!) but the rest of us were very compatible speed wise. One other girl showed up today, but she was brand new and rode in the slower group. It is just nice to not have to do all my rides alone!

Signed up

June 5, Olympic distance aquabike. Meaning it's like a triathlon without the run...just the swim and the bike, and it's a separate category (probably with like 5 other people doing it).

Rode on Wednesday in the heat wave...24 miles, my usual 15-16mph pace, but I was exhausted afterwards...I am NOT used to 88 degree weather! Swam yesterday.

Rev3 Aquabike???

June 5, about an hour away in Middlebury, CT. They have an olympic aquabike race along with the triathlon. And half distances the next day. Surprisingly, the swim for the half is only .3 miles longer, which seems like nothing. However, I don't know that I want to kill myself to do 56 miles on the bike, even though I've already done a 30 this week and adding another 26 doesn't seem unreasonable given that I'd have 9 weeks (and wouldn't have to run afterwards!). But, olympic will probably win.

I am setting myself a deadline of Friday to decide and commit and sign up. Please hold me to it.

I rode 30 by myself on Friday. I chose a route that I think of as impossibly hilly (everything is hilly in CT, but this has a lot of really steep hills) just to get it in early in the season and planned to just cruise it. Early on right after I stopped by a friend's house to ditch my vest (too hot), I was passed by some guy. OK, I didn't do anything about it because I figured he was just fast. But no, there was no reason for him to pass me. He hung out about 30 feet ahead of me for 2 miles, and I even found myself slowing down to avoid passing him back. Finally I'd had enough though, it was silly. So I passed him and didn't see him again.

This morning I did 22 with a couple of guys I did my masters swim class with and a few I didn't know (9 guys and me). I was not intimidated to ride with them like I was to swim...and I more than held my own. Granted, it was a no-drop ride and our pace was about 15mph (slower than my solo, hilly, low-key 30), but it was fun. Not only was I one of the stronger riders (and, surprisingly, climbers) but it was a friendly group and I talked to just about everyone. Or, rather, they talked to me. I am really awkward in a new group and am completely incapable of starting conversations, so I was especially pleased that I didn't make a social fool out of myself. One guy tried to convince me to sign up for the next swimming session, and a bunch said they hope I come back next week. One even said I should come back because they expect a bunch more riders, and a bunch who will do an 18-20mph pace, implying that I could keep up with them. Umm, I am all for trying, but I don't know about that. I promised to return, but also said "I might let my husband come now and then instead of me," and another guy said, "No, we want you." (If I weren't about to disclose that these are by and large short, stocky middle aged family men trying to lose their winter spare tires, the whole story would have sounded much better. But still, I don't mind being the token woman on the ride. It's good for my ego.)

Two pictures from today, one from the beach yesterday.

Mommy friends

Since Jessica and Kate moved back to Chicago (all of a week and a half ago) I've been trying to find a way to get a new mommy friend. I don't need many...just one was fine, Jessica and I got along really well and liked doing a lot of the same stuff. She introduced me to Cynthia, and we went to the playground today. Plus, Amanda who was in my swimming lane friended me on Facebook today, her daughter is 4 months older than Andra. So, although I don't know if they'll be quite as much fun as Jess, since there are 2 of them it might fill the void.